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Symposium Entry: Don't Say I Didn't Warn You!
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Symposium Entry: Don't Say I Didn't Warn You! This blog is part of the Eighteenth Virtual Symposium: Secrets. The year was 1999. My spouse worked as a cop on the night shift. For years I slept in an empty bed. Our marital sex life was nonexistent. The few times we tried having sex ended in miserable defeat. My spouse's erectile problems drove a wedge further between us. I know some of you who are reading this are probably going to judge me for what transpired but I don't think anyone can fairly judge someone until they've walked a mile in someone else's shoes. I was a naive 27 year old who up until that point in my life had experienced traditional "vanilla" sex. The further I sank into disconnect with my spouse the more I began spending time online. I encountered a man who was heavily involved in the BDSM community in St Louis. He was an experienced Dominant and he piqued my interest in learning and growing my knowledge of the BDSM lifestyle. Yes, he knew I was married. I never hid that. He demanded absolute honesty and began grooming me to be his submissive. We spent months chatting and talking. It's true what they say about having an affair. It's exhilarating yet emotionally exhausting. I felt like I was living a double life: the suburban "proper" housewife by day and a slutty submissive sex object via risque online conversations by night. After about six months, we both felt ready to meet. We established a BDSM contract and mutually agreed upon safe words. I lied and told my spouse that I was attending a training conference in Kansas City. I was instructed to arrive at the hotel early, a key would be waiting at the front desk, and I was to prepare myself for Him. His instructions were clear: He wanted me waiting for His arrival wearing a corset, garters, stockings, heels, and blindfolded. I was to address Him as "Sir" or I would be severely reprimanded. I was not to speak unless spoken to. I was to worship His cock at all times unless told otherwise. I would be collared, bound, and used for His pleasure. My orgasm was denied unless He felt I was deserving. That weekend my boundaries were pushed. I was reprimanded a lot and not because I was deliberately being obtuse. There was a learning curve and I was uncovering the rules as we went along. I discovered the meaning behind "sub space" that weekend and why so many women seek to achieve it. I came home with welts and bruises on my derriere that I knew would be impossible to explain away. In the end, I decided to confide my dirty little secret to my spouse. It ultimately ended up destroying my marriage. As I look back on that time in my life, I credit this experience for being the transition point in challenging everything I knew about pushing my sexual limits, exploring my boundaries and getting in deeper touch with my inner sexual desires including fiercely supporting my need for non-monogamy. Please visit the other wonderful contributions to the symposium here: Participants List For The Eighteenth Virtual Symposium Secrets  |
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Thanks for sharing. I appreciate the journey you took...the ups and downs. Are you still in the lifestyle? “Life is available only in the present moment.” Thich Nhat Hanh Come and read my blog! Become a watcher! veryfunnycple64 
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Could you not separate from your spouse in the time you were being groomed?
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We make our choices -- ultimately we're the ones who live with them
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"myelin36 replies on 4/3/2016 4:56 pm: I could have but at the time I was attending college full-time and it would have been meant dropping out. My ex had control over all of our finances. I'm not saying what I did was right but at the time when you are 27, you are still learning. You do what you think is right for you given the circumstances at the time. I learned a lot from this experience. Hindsight is 20-20 now." Unfortunate perhaps but you are the only person who can judge this. Glad it has made you wiser
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Thank you for sharing. What you did at the time was deceitful, but ultimately it was what you had to do to grow as a person. You had, and still have a long life to live, hopefully without too many regrets. Woodrow J. Evers
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Bonjour Merci de raconter une histoire de vie où le mari mène la vie du couple et la femme cherche ce qui lui manque . ♥ Poton ♥ Bisou ♥ Annie ♥ Hello Thank you tell a life story where the husband leads the life of couple and wife seeks what it lacks . ♥Kiss ♥ Annie ♥
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Those transitions points can be scary but can open up a whole world of opportunity and experiences, can't they? One would think you can live life from point A to B to C, but life doesn't let us. Sometimes it skips from A to C and leaves us to deal with B when we can.
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It's some times to remain in a status quo situation that isn't any where. Some times you have to change the dynamics..... Click Here To Read A Hot Erotic Story: When A Woman Meets A Stranger Part 1 of 4
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You're right- I'm going to judge you. You did the right thing. You only get one life and you need to live it. I've been in a sexless marriage and it's a barren way to live. The only one who knows how barren and loveless it feels is you. Your affair may have ended your marriage, but it jump started your life, didn't it? Don't look back and don't apologize. It takes guts to share a secret like this. You must feel fairly secure in the decision you made back then to be able to share this. Brava! This is a great post, Myelin.  Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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Every person AND every situation is unique! One of the reasons it confounds me that so many people on here have absolutes of what they want. Lol! Preferences yes, but absolutes? Of course, I also believe and understand that NOT all connections on here lead to intimacy or just sex! Lol! A little more often would be nice however! Lmao!  Hugs
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You told that story very well. It may have been a story of submission, but it was told from great strength. Thank you for sharing your strength with us. My featured post this week: Pulling Fantasy Sex Out of My Ass.
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Wow, What an introduction into that world, but it ended your other world. I think you made the right decision, but who am I to judge, right? Even if I am on your side... Great post for the symposium, kk The observant make the best lovers, I may not do right, but I do write, I have bliss, joy, and happiness in my life, Kitkat Come check out my blog KItkat1415 check out this post by me Adventures In Body Grooming #39 April Topic Link: What Lies Beneath If April Showers Oh Bloody Hell What Kind Of Weather Turns Me On Bloggers Symposium 40
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A great post. And what a great journey. 
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No judgement here...I'm glad that you found a truer and happier way to live. I can't think of anything worse than, on my deathbed, thinking I stayed in something that made me unhappy because I was too scared to move on. xoxo Always tell the truth Use kind words Keep your promises Giggle and laugh Be positive Love one another Always be grateful Forgiveness is mandatory Try new things Say please and thank you Say your prayers Smile ~Author unknown
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I think that most people begin with traditional vanilla relationships while gradually discovering their ways to happiness. Some satisfied with what they have, others move on to non-vanilla sexual lives. No journey is easy, no journey is free from hard decisions. And, no one should be judged. I'm glad you found your happiness. Great post! Thank you for sharing your journey with us. Visit my blog It's a Mad, Mad, Mad World of NaughtyInSO, leave a comment, become a watcher. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LIVE AND LET LIVE Be happy! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Thanks for this very personal story. I think that the need to explore its own sexuality is absolutely normal. If it is not done inside the home, it will be done outside the home
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Kinky
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Wow. This is an incredibly intimate story, and we are all richer for your having shared it. While there may not be a "right" to a satisfying sex life, there certainly is a right to explore what works... and if that falls outside the realm of traditional vanilla, power to those willing to take the steps necessary to explore. It sounds as though your sex life has improved considerably -- and yes, hopefully it will continue to do so! Perhaps the first step is in revealing a secret to yourself: I took a while to realize how much I enjoy my own variations, and am a lot happier for it. But these discoveries are rarely without pain. I'm glad you and your ex were able to maintain a civil relationship. Finally -- as you point out -- marks, whether hickeys, love welts, or passion scratches, are very hard to hide. A large, hand-shaped bruise on the tuchas? Lucy, you got some 'splainin' to do... Thank you for sharing this with all of us. It is a very, very intimate secret. Good contribution to the symposium! (And apologies for the tardiness of this response: I've been waaay behind in my reactions, and am working my way through the 18th symposium contributions. I might be caught up with the ones for the 19th by the time the 20th rolls around... but I doubt it. Sigh.) Stop in, read, and offer comments at my "swinging as seen in the media" blog, "Confessions of a Lifestyle Man" humorlife, which is also the home of the monthly virtual symposium. New post: The Virtual Symposium Returns Lets Pick A Topic
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