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Losing a Loved One and Coping With Loss
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Losing a Loved One and Coping With Loss Yesterday my cousin passed away from a courageous battle with brain cancer. Right after Thanksgiving, his oncologist gave him a bleak diagnosis, telling him to get his affairs in order because he could die at any time. Our entire family was dumbstruck. Here was a young man who appeared to be strong and generally healthy. He was a youthful twenty five years old. He learned about his brain tumor while attending the prestigious Air Force Academy two years ago. This was supposed to be my cousin's time to enjoy the pleasures of college, move forward into his career as an Air Force pilot, someday marry, have children; not brace for a devastatingly premature death. Summoning every bit of optimism resident in my being, I refused to accept he would succumb to cancer. I knew the power of a healthy diet, exercise, and other holistic modalities in extending the longevity of cancer patients. His parents did everything they could including flying him to world renowned oncologists in Houston hoping for a miracle. They researched every type of cancer therapy under the sun. Pursuing these things might have helped reverse his illness; or they might have done very little. What was certain is that he had resigned himself to the notion that death was upon him. And so for the last two months my family and I were left to watch the vitality of a man we held so dear steadily drain away. Adding to the horror of the situation were the rounds of chemotherapy my cousin underwent at the recommendation of his physician, who claimed it would alleviate his suffering. To my untrained eye, the chemotherapy succeeded only in withering my cousin's physical vessel down to an ashen shell of what it once was. But I made sure I held it together. I had to be "strong." I don’t believe I cried more than a few times in the months leading up to my cousin's death. I simply didn’t allow myself to feel cascade of negative emotions churning below the surface. I had to be practical, I thought, so that I could support his parents and the rest of my family during an extremely challenging time. I had to power through it. And steady I remained, right up until my cousin took his last breath in the hospital last evening on a frigid winter night. The bewildering mix of grief, pain, shock, and relief in the wake of losing a loved one who has been suffering profoundly will touch everyone differently. I finally surrendered to my grief last evening. I felt able to emote and let the tears flow. What a release it was. From an early age we are conditioned to ignore our negative emotions. This is especially the case when we endure difficult circumstances, such as family sickness and death. We choose to push away our feelings in order to “just get through it.” The trouble is that in suppressing our emotions we’re not getting through anything, but rather forcing these emotional patterns deep into the recesses of the subconscious mind. This unexpressed pain that brews below the surface is at the root of much of our anxiety and many types of illness. When it comes to any sort of emotional pain, it’s crucial for us to understand that negative feelings serve us. They are wonderful indicators of the truth of our being and show us what is wanted and unwanted. But we don’t have to hang on to the anger, sadness, and powerlessness forever. We transcend our negative emotions by being present with them. Being tuned into the truth of your feelings doesn’t mean you will be a trainwreck and incapable of dealing with the real world; it actually sets you on the path of wholeness and peace. We strive to put on a front so that the world sees us as kind, capable, and strong. This often means that we deny our emotional pain. It takes great courage to admit to our vulnerabilities and embrace our authentic feelings, but it is a required stop on the way to freedom and relief. I challenge you to pick something in your life that you’ve been holding back from feeling and choose to express your pain in a safe and conscious way. Pull down the facades and give yourself permission to not be okay. It’s time to free yourself. Much love to all, myelin  |
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Sorry for you pain and loss M When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
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Myelin, I am so sorry to read this. I am sorry to hear about all the pain, for him, you and the whole family. I have no words but to say that I am very sorry for the pain and loss  Hugs to you sweet lady!
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Thank you for being so open and for sharing this tribulation. I hope many on here learn form it and embrace this attitude as it might hope one other person to deal with a similar situation. I hope you gained strength and peace from sharing and that in time you will know you have helped another. I send you love and a hug (Virtual Symposium Group) use Virtual Symposium Group
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Sorry to hear of your loss. I lost my wife 8 1/2 years ago, and it still to this day haunts me about it. There's some things one cannot get over or forget.
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SO SORRY For Your Loss... I Know Its A Cliche But Time Will Heal Your Pain!
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coping with a loss is ok as long as you have family support, but in some cases it brings out the worst with relatives
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Very sorry for your loss.... *hugs*
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Sorry for your loss. It seems cancer is everywhere. Anything worth doing is worth doing right
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I'm sorry to hear of your loss, it sounds like a very sad experience for your whole family. (hug)
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Sorry for your lose. Cancer is one of the hardest to watch and has made me bitter as I've watched it to many times. No one is allowed to watch me die.
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Thoughts and prayers are with you my friend! As they are with your entire family. Stay safe and warm with all of the ice around you too. HUGS
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nods, it will never go away. the sharp edges smooth out a bit. on sundays i chant with others at sunrise. if you message me the names of those you would like included, i will add them. the energy is healing. may you all find strength in each other. peace in yourselves. Namaste we You cannot conceive the many without the one.
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I'm sorry for your loss.....I had a family got through a very fast decline due to brain cancer. i learned there are quite a few different cancers of the brain....he had the most aggressive type. Here's a hug {{{{{{{{U}}}}}}}}} Click Here To Read A Hot Erotic Story: When A Woman Meets A Stranger Part 1 of 4
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Myelin, I'm sure you are more knowledgeable that I am on this subject (I think it is your line of work, if I am not correct, please tell me so), but are any emotions "negative"? I know that unacknowledged emotions figure heavily in many of the students I ran into at my yoga studio (resulting in overeating, pains in the body, diseases and the such). Any emotion that is denied waits around to create havoc later on. I was taught for my classes, that in meditation, we can help the student acknowledge, experience, and then let go of an emotion. I know that for myself this works pretty well. There is something to be said of the histrionics of emotional Latin cultures, because no emotion is denied and often expressed out loud (too loud at times) in the moment. This would not work in the U.S., I know, but there is very little in the way of needing to let out an emotion later on... This was a good subject to write on and you did it so well. My condolences to you on this loss. kk The observant make the best lovers, I may not do right, but I do write, I have bliss, joy, and happiness in my life, Kitkat Come check out my blog KItkat1415 check out this post by me Adventures In Body Grooming #39 April Topic Link: What Lies Beneath If April Showers Oh Bloody Hell What Kind Of Weather Turns Me On Bloggers Symposium 40
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I was sorry to hear of the loss of your cousin. I have the impression that you handled this exactly right. Controlling our emotions doesn't mean denying them or burying them. Our emotions serve a purpose so we do well to acknowledge them. Hugs, Myelin. Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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The younger a loved one is when they go the more difficult and painful it is for those left behind. Sorry for your loss. Vive La Difference
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So sorry for your loss. Keep his memory alive and embrace the time you had with him.
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My condolences I do tend to hold back the tears. I know I need to sometimes just let go and let it flow. 
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Great advice. Please recommend that people take cir-cumin and ginger and garlic tablets as a supplement and definitely take it while going thru chemo. Chemo does a lot of damage, above items helps to flush it out of the body. Also buy A2/A2 milk.(Jersey, Gurnsy cowsand goats). Please read "The Devil in the Milk", written by Dr. Keith Woodford. "More than 100 studies suggest links between the A1 protein and a whole range of health conditions" he says. Casein is the largest group of proteins in milk, making up about 80% of the total protein content. There are several types of casein in milk, and beta-casein is the second most common. Beta-casein exists in at least 13 different forms. The two most common forms of beta-casein are: A1 beta-casein: Milk from breeds of cows that originated in northern Europe is generally high in A1 beta-casein. A1 milk comes from breeds like the Holstein, Friesian, Ayrshire and British Shorthorn. A2 beta-casein: Milk that is high in A2 beta-casein is mainly found in breeds that originated in the Channel Islands and Southern France. This includes breeds like the Guernsey, Jersey, Charolais and Limousin. Regular milk contains both A1 and A2 beta-casein, but A2 milk contains only A2 beta-casein.A1 cows are a mutation. But A1 cows produce way more milk than a2 variety, so industrial farming uses a1 cows and is causing massive health issues in countries that uses A1 milk. The A1 beta-casein type is the most common type found in cow's milk in Europe (excluding France), the USA, Australia and New Zealand "Rules for happiness: something to do, someone to love, something to hope for.”― Immanuel Kant .
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Sincere condolences on your loss. Your post is rather timely, in that a friend and I have been having some rather lengthy discussions on vulnerability and withholding emotions. I think many of our generation were raised to suck it up and soldier on. For example, my grandfather was one of the most loving people I've ever met, yet I only ever saw him cry once. It just wasn't what one did in our family. Thanks for sharing.
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Words online are weak, but I still offer my condolences and best wishes to you and your family. Smart as a horse and hung like Einstein.
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Pagan  Hmmmm....I know I left that wand around here somewhere!
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I accept your challenge, Myelin, though I may not express it in public. I am sorry for your loss, It is a shame that you and I cannot grieve in a more collective manner. My featured post this week: Pulling Fantasy Sex Out of My Ass.
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Thank you for your thoughtful challenge, my dear Myelin. A week and a half ago my father passed away. My siblings all gathered here in Cleveland and everyone shed their tears . . . everyone except for me. I am the eldest and was so busy making arrangements, filing papers, acting as executor, etc. that I didn't have time for feelings. Now the family has gone home and life is returning to normal. And my dad's absence aches in my heart. I miss him. My featured post this week: Pulling Fantasy Sex Out of My Ass.
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Sorry to hear about your loss. But death is the ultimate reality . I hope you are doing ok with the loss. Take care of yourself and your loved ones. *** Hugs ****
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