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| Blogs > peekabooicu2ucme > Musings and mayhem of my mind |
Gawd damn it all to hell
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Gawd damn it all to hell I just wanna go all Tourrettes like and freak the fuck out sometimes. I'd much rather bust out than to internalize all the stupid self defeating crap that's swimming through my head, yet I need to keep it together, act like everything's okay, and be responsible. I'm pretty sure I'm the calmest person I know, yet what lies beneath the surface sometimes would surprise the hell out of most anyone that knows me, even really well. Sometimes I just feel like everything I touch turns to crap. That no matter what I do, it will never be good enough, that I personally will never be good enough. I don't need a bunch of sunshine up my ass about it all either. I know I'm a pretty terrific person and all, I know my strengths and whatnot, it just seems that it's wasted somehow. I don't need that pat on the head of it'll be alright, someday, blah blah blah. I get it. I know it's well intentioned and maybe even possible, I'm just having a day that I'm not feeling it, or believing it will happen. Not that it can't, but that it won't. Yep, pity party.  And that just pisses me off. So yep, anti social as all hell. And yet I need to go to work, smile, make nice with all the people, while inside I'm just screaming about how much it all sucks. And then I have mommy duty when I'm done my shift. While I'm tired and cranky. Shit. If I could call out and have a fucking cry me to sleep in a sea of booze while watching stupid ass bawl fest movies while screaming into a pillow, I think I would. Just to get it all out. Kinda like leeching the poison out. Get it all fucking gone, and then once cleansed, recharge. A mental health day. *Sigh. Damned policies. So who wants to kidnap me and call in a ransom for me? That'd be a valid reason to not be living up to my responsibilities right?   |
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6/3/2010 19h04 |
I don't know you but I'm really sorry you're hurting. It takes guts to post this stuff. You may not like feeling these feelings but to NOT feel them would make you a sociopath. I find your vulnerability as sexy as any 'bod' pic you may have on here. Whoever ends up with you is one lucky person.
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7/3/2010 6h02 |
I'll kidnap you, but you'll have to put the lotion on your skin or you'll get the hose again. That and watch me do the lamb dance. I've almost got the tuck down. And I missed your IM because I was at work. The neices and nephews are up so I have all kinds of people fucking with the computer, one of them must have signed me in.
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I'd kidnap you and keep you in a child-proof cell. Trouble is, they'd still find a way in  
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Thank you everyone for your encouragement and kind words. I'm feeling better and instead of individually going through and responding to everyone I just want to say that I appreciate you all.  
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25/3/2010 13h28 |
It’s not that I wouldn’t want to kidnap you if that would help, but with having to cross state lines and then with my luck they’d throw the book at me to make an example out of me and then I’d find myself in a tiny little gray cell praying for conjugal visits and hoping like crazy that Bubba from two cells down didn’t find me the least bit attractive...   We all have some days like that. I’m glad you got it all out of your system and you feel better now.  H. 
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