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| Blogs > rm_otsana > Journey of Self Discovery |
to get over 1, you got to get under another
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to get over 1, you got to get under another Dreams, Dreams and more Dreams. Between the insomnia and the crazy sex dreams I am having is it a wonder that I feel like a walking zombie. Started with a crazy 1 with my Ex husband. Now anyone who has read my blog from the beginning or has even read my profile to completion knows that Sex with My Ex was rare enough in and of its self, (in fact at the end there we had been on a two yr run without contact when I finally said enough’s, enough.) So why the dream? My M was in that 1 too in fact (though in a very PC role) he has made his appearance in a few of these dreams, of late. And he called Friday and hinted we should get together. But back on track Stranger still the Ex was in a bondage situation where he was the one bound. Now I'm the 1 that started exploring BDSM, so again very weird, as when he found out(by hacking my email) he completely lost it and I have been a slut ever since. Sadly what all of these dreams have in common is that they are not happy sex dreams, but strange metaphoric dreams. They leave me unsatisfied and feeling lost and alone. Oh well where is my psycho analyst. So to catch up.. I have been completely celibate for a little over 2 months. I have stuck to my guns and have cut the ties with JJ. Though this has not been easy for me. Little things pull me in and set my mind in motion thinking about him. a Scent, a Song, the time of Day... lol I have decided the best way to get over him is to get under someone else.. But as of yet have found no prospects. Playboy and I are over as lovers since the jackal. Oh we text every now and then, but neither of us seem to desire to see the other. Sadly because of this I never coordinated his birthday celebration! I lined up 7 very beautiful and diverse women for him for the night. Their job to pleasure him in every way possible. This was first planned as an event for My M (though My M could never have handled 7 women) and Playboy took quite an interest to the subject so I promised him a night he would never forget.. This is 1 of my fantasies you see.. To watch the man I care for pleasured in every describable way possible. So sad.. That it seems to be 1 that will never be satisfied. Mr. Sensual and I haven't spoke in months, the last time I saw him was in January. I think he must have gotten himself in a relationship. And if so.. Good for him, though I miss his texts and the way he lifts my spirits. Dom and I had a date planned but the universe keeps intervening there. Between kids, cars and work schedules, it seems we are not meant to proceed with finding him a new submissive. I on the other hand have found a dominate attraction though it will never be acted on. I have encountered him at a couple events but cannot bring myself to engage him in conversation. This is where my shyness and insecurity truly suck. lol And of course the emails through here still come in. Though can I say they, and the profiles of late are less than desirable. Hay baby how you doing? Is not a way to engage me and get me to respond nor is the 1 sentence profile that goes along with it. Come on guys if you are assuming that a cock picture alone is going to attract us you are destined to spend many a lonely night. And obviously so am I... Well it is to be a beautiful day outside and I for 1 am going to enjoy it for all it's worth (my skin could use a little sunshine glow) so I am off to see what trouble I can find myself in. Wish me luck  Who knows maybe I can find that man to get under... OTSANA{=} |
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Good Luck!
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Thank you.. Didn't quite find the trouble I'd hoped for.. but theres always another day. lol OTSANA{=}
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