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Clown Suits for Christmas and Other Ritual Humiliations
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Clown Suits for Christmas and Other Ritual Humiliations Body Count Body ImageImagery Is The Topic For The Ninth Virtual Symposium Clown Suits for Christmas and Other Ritual Humiliations By PD Body image is a thing now, but what I love are stories that put the fun back into 'dysfunctional', the family dramas and other bizarre social conventions that chip away at women and keep us in our place. Feeling ugly and grateful for whatever we get is an essential part of being a woman because 1) if we don't feel that way we won't buy a bunch of stupid expensive stuff that is supposed to make us look beautiful, and 2) how are guys going to catch us at all if we don't run from them in high heels? Genital mutilation is frowned upon in the U.S., but reminding your daughters that they are undesirable and had better snag a mate pronto before all the men are taken is not only fair, it's a capitalist responsibility that every American mother and grandmother and great-grandmother is tasked with carrying out. That's how it worked with in my family anyway. Grandmothers did their part on holidays and family gatherings. Usually the routine would start with an elderly family member approaching a pubescent female and smoothing or rearranging her hair while staring intently at her face. "You'd be such a pretty girl if only…" was a much-used sentence that never ended well and, because we were expected to respect our elders, we had to endure it. You'd be such a pretty girl if only…. You'd fix your hair. You'd cut your hair. You'd lose some weight. You'd get a better fitting bra. You'd fix yourself up a little. And so on and so forth. My own mother was especially gifted at this kind of ritual humiliation. She showed up days after my third child was born with a pair of beige pants and a top that would have been three sizes too small before I got pregnant the first time, never mind the third. She regaled me that day with stories of how, after each child, she curled her toes around the foot of the hospital bed and did sit ups right there, right then, right afterward. That story was bullshit of course. But it was brilliant ritual humiliation. She insisted I try the outfit on but I politely declined with some lame excuse. I knew my mother pretty well, and she'd already made her point--I wasn't going to let her wallow in it. My sisters and sister-in-law were not so quick. When we all had reached child-bearing age, my mother started a tradition of buying each daughter or daughter-in-law an outfit several sizes too small for Christmas, then insisting that everyone try on their new outfits and be photographed together wearing them. The larger the recipient, the more outlandish the outfit. One of my sisters and my sister-in-law were very large women indeed, and their outfits were always so garish they took to calling them 'clown suits', as in "I wonder what color clown suit mom will get us this Christmas." I usually got something beige, because I hate beige, and I'm not a huge woman, and of all the colors out there, beige is probably the one that does the least for me. I never tried mine on, but my sisters always did. I always wondered why they fell for it. Maybe they were healthier than I was and could laugh it off easier. Maybe they thought it was funny. I don't know. I do think it wasn't that funny. My mother was a perpetual dieter, yet she never lost weight. When we were little kids, we learned that when my mother announced she was on a diet it meant the house would be full of pies and cookies within a day or two. As I got older, I learned it was a signal that I'd be getting the "You'd be so pretty if only you'd lose ten pounds," routine from Mom. I did not need to lose ten pounds. Mom did not need to lose ten pounds either. She was ritually humiliating herself. If your female relatives do it right, you do get to that point. My mother died of a sudden major stroke in her late 50's, the kind that can only happen when you've been binging and purging, or just purging. She was on the phone to one of my sisters when it happened, so an ambulance was called and she was kept alive with very little brain function for three days. Eventually, one of my sisters took her off life support and she died. At 62 I like my body fine, more than I ever have, even though I surely looked 'hotter' when I was young. In some strange way I gained respect for myself as my attractiveness faded with age. In some ways losing my looks has been a loss, but in more ways than not it has been a relief and a release. I also rarely see my original family, and that helps too. I feel free from all that crap for the first time. Sure, once in awhile I still catch some 30-year-old looking at my tits in the supermarket. That still shocks me. (I'm 62!) But most of the time, men leave me alone. Women talk to me. People seem to trust me. Children sit on my lap when they don't know me. Dogs approach me for pets. I like that. As for "getting a man" before all the good ones are gone, I've learned that that is just not necessary. Men are all over the place. Always. Many of them are very nice. And the very best way to 'get one' is to not want one. Try it, it works. It takes all the pressure off and drives them crazy. Just remember, once you 'get one' you have to feed him, and walk him, and fuck him, and listen to him and be loyal and tolerate his farts. Show up naked and bring food, as they say. They make bad pets, men, but often, good friends. And your body? From a man's point of view, the most beautiful body in the world is the one he knows he's going to slide into within the next several hours. That body could be yours. And you get to decide. Become a member now and get a free tote bag. |
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Excellent post Mrs. Kzoo! Interesting to hear about things that happen as a result of upbringing...family "advice" passed on to the next generation. Luckily, since I have hangy down naughty bits, I didn't have to deal with that kind of mental manipulation. Glad to see you saw through it all  Thank you so much for sharing!  Everyone is on a different plane of intelligence. Some people's plane has not taken off yet!! 
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A very insightful and personal post. Thank you for sharing it. Red lipstick and "fuck me" shoes. What more could you want?  
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Much more valuable post than the Putin one. "To Be Consumed" Blog : I want to be your drug of painful withdrawals.
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Dear PD, this is excellent!!! I might be 9 years younger but I still clearly remember the ritual family humiliations growing up. I find it grand that you're at peace with your bodily image, that's a milestone not many get to know!   WITHOUT PASSION LIFE IS NOTHING
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It seems, family humiliation was not that rare. It existed in my family too. Thanks for sharing. Visit my blog It's a Mad, Mad, Mad World of NaughtyInSO, leave a comment, become a watcher. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LIVE AND LET LIVE Be happy! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Wow PD, This was an excellent post. I have to admit that the most I got from my mom was I was called "petacona" right after the birth of my 2nd child; it means "big but woman" in Spanish. I was told years after she had done that, that she meant it as a compliment. My mom had a flat ass, and in Latin American culture, a shapely ass is much desired. I guess I was too "americanized" at that point to see that she meant it any way but bad, but then again, my mother was an embittered woman who beat the crap out of me as a small child, so why wouldn't I think she was trying to hurt me with her words. Kk The observant make the best lovers, I may not do right, but I do write, I have bliss, joy, and happiness in my life, Kitkat Come check out my blog KItkat1415 check out this post by me Adventures In Body Grooming #39 April Topic Link: What Lies Beneath If April Showers Oh Bloody Hell What Kind Of Weather Turns Me On Bloggers Symposium 40
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I remember one of my Grandmothers being that way with the girls and all praise with the boys. I never really cared for her much but that is another story. My Mothers Mother was less that way but still critical only of the girls. My Mother wasn't that way with her Daughters. She had a difficult relationship with her Mother and her Mother-in-law. It's interesting sometimes to look back on the influences that formed your life. I guess the development of that attitude and behavior isn't surprising given the male dominated society. Maybe you all should have gotten together and bought your Mother an outfit three sizes to big to figuratively slap some sense into her. Sometimes you just have to be rude with people. Vive La Difference
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KZ great post here.. ty for sharing your family one! Some good advise to pass on too the next generation too.. I had several nicknames when I was younger and few of them stuck today! hugssssssss V Become a blog watcher sweet_vm
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Very true! Dysfunctional families are always more intersting than functional families. I still remember the Waltons!  
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Excellent post Mrs. Kzoo! Interesting to hear about things that happen as a result of upbringing...family "advice" passed on to the next generation. Luckily, since I have hangy down naughty bits, I didn't have to deal with that kind of mental manipulation. Glad to see you saw through it all Thank you so much for sharing! Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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A very insightful and personal post. Thank you for sharing it. Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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Much more valuable post than the Putin one. Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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B must be a pretty good friend if you have to put up with his farts!   Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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Dear PD, this is excellent!!! I might be 9 years younger but I still clearly remember the ritual family humiliations growing up. I find it grand that you're at peace with your bodily image, that's a milestone not many get to know! Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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It seems, family humiliation was not that rare. It existed in my family too. Thanks for sharing. Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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Wow PD, This was an excellent post. I have to admit that the most I got from my mom was I was called "petacona" right after the birth of my 2nd child; it means "big but woman" in Spanish. I was told years after she had done that, that she meant it as a compliment. My mom had a flat ass, and in Latin American culture, a shapely ass is much desired. I guess I was too "americanized" at that point to see that she meant it any way but bad, but then again, my mother was an embittered woman who beat the crap out of me as a small child, so why wouldn't I think she was trying to hurt me with her words. Kk Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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I remember one of my Grandmothers being that way with the girls and all praise with the boys. I never really cared for her much but that is another story. My Mothers Mother was less that way but still critical only of the girls. My Mother wasn't that way with her Daughters. She had a difficult relationship with her Mother and her Mother-in-law. It's interesting sometimes to look back on the influences that formed your life. I guess the development of that attitude and behavior isn't surprising given the male dominated society. Maybe you all should have gotten together and bought your Mother an outfit three sizes to big to figuratively slap some sense into her. Sometimes you just have to be rude with people. Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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Yes LadyX, dieting could be an entire topic in itself. Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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Thanks for sharing that Fel7114. One of my sisters was nicknamed "Weener" and it stuck. She's fifty now and still Weener. We're not Asian, but the bad nicknames seem to be popular all around. Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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KZ great post here.. ty for sharing your family one! Some good advise to pass on too the next generation too.. I had several nicknames when I was younger and few of them stuck today! hugssssssss V Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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Thanks BJ, I feel that way too. Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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Very true! Dysfunctional families are always more intersting than functional families. I still remember the Waltons! Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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Wow. The crap we put up with from our families... It is a wonder we are all sane...hmmm.... here I go again, making assumptions... Thanks for sharing a great story.
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so very true...that ritualistic humiliation and it comes in many formats. One used on me was...are you sure you really want that second helping? So much wisdom in this post including the downside of having a man (lol)...love it!!! Always tell the truth Use kind words Keep your promises Giggle and laugh Be positive Love one another Always be grateful Forgiveness is mandatory Try new things Say please and thank you Say your prayers Smile ~Author unknown
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My mother and yours must have been related. Great post!
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