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A Drunkin Note
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A Drunkin Note Isn't alcohol supposed to make you feel better? By the end of the night, after a 10 hour work day I go to drink mind you, I never used to, this is a recent habit, as in within the past 2 months recent. After work I go there to relax and by the 3rd Bloody Mary I'm just reminded how lonely I am. I wish I had someone to cuddle up to, to touch, to kiss. I had it for 10 years, I thought I'd be loving being single since I ended it, though I don't want it with either of my Exes, I still look on and wish I had it. There is someone I'd known years ago as a customer at a place I used to work, I'd just ran into him maybe 2 weeks ago for the first time in maybe 3 years and it was cool. But he seems to always come to the bar with his female friend, who is in a rocky relationship with someone else. I can see it in his eyes, how he wishes he could have her, but she is blind to it. I love the love he shows her that she passes off as, "just friendship". All these years I've been in Ohio nd I havent been out at all till 2 months ago. It will take a while to build up that kind of friendship, I want it though. I want to be loved for being me. I found myself playing on the jukebox SR-71's "Tomorrow", and Nine Inch Nails' "Every Day is Exactly the Same", Middle Class Rut's "New Low"... I find the songs I play reflect my mood, and it turns out that way unintentionally. I would have loved to think I am discovering myself being single now, but I still feel like I'm missing a piece of me, I'm still looking for it...  |
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Couple pieces of advice from a bartender. Stay off the jukebox. You're mood will infect what you play. Let other folks play stuff to pick your spirits up. Go with what you're hearing. Drinking alone can be depressing, take a friend/ co-worker. Alcohol can numb pain, but it won't fix problems. If your personality is not natural to a bar setting, forcing the change won't turn out well. I work in a bar, but hanging out in one is just not for me. I wish you good luck. Getting over relationship changes is always tough. And time is still the best cure.
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Hey there. I hope you aren't reading these comments with a massive hangover! It takes a lot of getting used to to be single and happy with it. And even then you will probably still look at couples or unobtainable gorgeous men and feel envious. "To be loved for being myself," lol, I know, we all want that don't we? First you have to really learn how to be yourself when you are not part of a couple. That's why there always seem to be more opportunities when you are part of a couple I think - it is easier to look like you are being yourself. Letslatk580 makes a couple of good points. You are almost certain to pick music which doesn't help. If you listen to "Every day is like Sunday" because you hate where you live, it isn't going to help you see the positives in life! Alcohol affects people differently. But it sounds as if you are the type for whom it simply intensifies what you are already feeling, or at least stops you from restricting those feelings. So yes, if you are down, it will make you feel worse. With me, it just makes me happy and chatty, but that is how I am generally these days. Apart from the fact that I am not getting any. Which means that it also makes me look lustfully at younger women. I would do that anyway, but it gets worse when I have had a couple of pints, lol.
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Yeah I replied to letsslatk, I had a bit to say there so, I dont know, maybe I shouldnt socialize with people at all. Don't think these blogs are helping. It gets difficult to be anywhere when you know no one. I don't know what to do anymore... Damn though, in person I'm happy, many people nick name me "smiley" because Im always smiling, that guy I had mentioned in my original post, when he introduces me to others he always says some variation of, "Yeah I've known her for years I was a customer at the gas station she worked at, whenever I went out I always went to that store because I knew I'd see her. She was always smiling! Always friendly, whenever I wanted a mood booster I'd go there, very positive person"... Anyway, even the most positive has their moments. I don't show depression in person at all. I just have to get to know the people better is all. Thanks for your positivity though, and for commenting on my bloggy thing again 
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Yeah I replied to letsslatk, I had a bit to say there so, I dont know, maybe I shouldnt socialize with people at all. Don't think these blogs are helping. It gets difficult to be anywhere when you know no one. I don't know what to do anymore... Damn though, in person I'm happy, many people nick name me "smiley" because Im always smiling, that guy I had mentioned in my original post, when he introduces me to others he always says some variation of, "Yeah I've known her for years I was a customer at the gas station she worked at, whenever I went out I always went to that store because I knew I'd see her. She was always smiling! Always friendly, whenever I wanted a mood booster I'd go there, very positive person"... Anyway, even the most positive has their moments. I don't show depression in person at all. I just have to get to know the people better is all. Thanks for your positivity though, and for commenting on my bloggy thing again What makes you say maybe you shouldn't socialise? And why are the blogs "not helping"? Even if they don't get you hooked up with someone local, I really do find that it helps to know someone is out there taking an interest in my life, and surprising though it may seem, after a while you come across people here who really do.
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Well, I didnt get to ride my horse today, but I did get to see my best friend, who proposed dying my hair! lol, actually I had a thing about really wanting to dye my hair bright red, I dont know why but I love red hair. So, she bleached my hair and streaked up half of it red, while the other half is my normal brown. I'll post pictures here, I had a great day, love seeing her. And I said blogs arent helping because Maybe I'd use it to "vent" too often. I know of people (namely Facebook), who get hooked on the negative posts, and I don't want to go that way, there's only so much venting one can do before its just their personality in general. Heres the pictures of my new hair, tomorrow's sunlight may show it much better, but for now this will do. Had to get a picture of the blonde, since I'd never ever bleached my hair before, but we had to because I have attempted to dye it red before, my hair is just too dark to show the red.
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and red
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Spectacular hair! Big wild wavy hair is always my favourite, whatever the colour! I know what you mean about people who overdo negative posts......but it's the same in real life isn't it? I mean we all complain a bit now and again, sometimes even without due cause, but if you are generally up beat underneath it all then that can still be noticed even in a rant! It is up to you and how you feel of course, and I can understand that you don't want to be writing in a way which will end up making you feel down. But I would have thought the answer is if you like writing here, (or following others, ) then read and write whatever you like, and only the people who want to read you need read it........ Anyway, I don't see anything over negative so far, just great pictures of big hair and a cancelled horse riding trip! By the way, if you don't see me for a week or too it isn't because you got too negative, it's because I am going on a technology free holiday. Dreamer.
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That's exciting! Have fun at that Thanks again for your compliments
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