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| Blogs > xacandxin > Adventures in the Poly Pocket |
Partially Polyamorous?? (by Xin)
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Partially Polyamorous?? (by Xin) ** SINGLE/POLY BI FEMALES AND COUPLES SEEKING THEM SHOULD COME CHECK OUT UnicornHaven** Since joining the lifestyle Xac and I have struggled to properly express how we want to function in this world as a couple, what we want from our experiences, etc., and during this time there are a few terms or labels that we knew to avoid. For instance, one thing of which we have always been certain is that WE DO NOT WANT THIS TO BE AN OPEN MARRIAGE. The idea of either of us moving freely about the world, having sex with whomever we might desire - as if there was no one waiting at home with whom we have an extra special connection - frankly makes us both feel a little sick on the inside. However, since I am a late-blooming bisexual, Xac and I decided that after sitting on these feelings for over two decades, perhaps the best thing for me emotionally wasn't to just keep it all pent up for the rest of my life without ever being expressed. In a typical single person's situation, I could simply start dating women and begin getting those desires met almost immediately, but from my current perspective that would have me behaving like I were in an open marriage, which makes me feel weird inside. The one barometer that Xac and I use in this lifestyle is that if it makes one or both of us feel weird inside, then we don't do whatever it is. That is why we started going to swingers clubs, because here I could stay with Xac and have the experiences with women that I was seeking. Unfortunately, what we have discovered is that although the swinging world is filled with bisexual women, it is still hard to have access to them for play because most of these bisexual women have husbands with them who are eager for swap. Along the way, a few of these women I was very attracted to, so Xac and I decided that we would become swingers who swap. This would at least give me a chance to play with the woman for a little while before moving on to "that other part". Now there are some men out there who are swingers that are good looking and that I might consider having sex with... in a world where there is no Xac. Luckily, my world does have a Xac in it, so this just isn't something which I care to do unless a lot of time has gone by and we are having a really difficult time finding a woman to be with who doesn't have a man in tow for swap. Sadly, we are having a great deal of difficulty finding a single bisexual female, so this ends up being a concession we have made a few times. After making this concession a few times though, I steadily came to the realization that although swinging and swapping can be a blast, it just isn't meeting my needs enough. For me to have a good time getting physical with someone, I need to click with them and trust them. This is extremely unlikely to happen in a one-time meeting at a bar or club, especially since a woman's having her husband with her when you first find yourself attracted to her can kind of be a chemistry killer if the husband talks too much or spends too much time trying to speed up the swing process. On one occasion when a woman's husband was trying to put some serious boost to the speed of our swing process by over-talking about his physical prowess, flexing his muscles, etc., Xac made me shoot wine out of my nose from laughing so hard as he said to the guy, "Dude, do you even understand how little of a factor you are in this whole situation? My wife thinks yours is hot, and that's the only reason why either of us is invited to this party, so you don't need to keep doing all that shit." After enough of these experiences I have learned that what I really need is a FWB situation with a woman so that I can get the most out of my experiences. Ideally this FWB situation would go for the long-term so that I didn't have to constantly start this horrible process over again. It has definitely been a struggle along the way, and we are not eager to repeat any of it. Because I am happily married, I am not really interested in dating outside of my marriage. That just makes us both feel weird because Xac would not be ever be dating someone else, and that doesn't seem fair. The only solution left then, is for us to find a woman interested in dating us both, because then neither of us would be dating outside of our marriage. We were and are fine with all of this. What we were not fine with was having someone on here tell us that we aren't swingers, we are a polyamorous couple. This kind of made us both cringe because we have always associated polyamory as being part of the "pod people" who all love each other, live together, etc., and we just aren't feeling any of that. Then we decided to do a little more research into polyamory. After talking with a few polyamorous couples, we learned that even they often have a person that they call their "primary", which means that although one might care for several others, that person will always be their "one" who is most important in all of their joint life's considerations. This term made us calm down a little bit, because our hugest fear with polyamory was that something like that could somehow devalue our importance to each other in our relationship (again, there's that weird feeling we both get when we know something doesn't feel right). If one can have a primary person, then polyamory must just be a way of expressing the acceptance of various levels of relationships along side that primary one. Lots of people have close friends along with their marriages. Polyamorous people just prefer to have sex with these friends as well, which kind of makes them no longer friends. These days that person is called an FWB. Therefore, if what we want is to both be in a long-term secondary dating or physical relationship with another woman, but we want to feel certain that the primacy of our love won't be tainted along the way, then it may stand to reason that we are... [gulp] just a little polyamorous? We've joked about being "partially poly" plenty of times before, but I am writing this today because today is the day that I started to realize that perhaps I should stop saying it as a joke?  
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You would it was easy but it isn't. I hope you two find what you are seeking. Be remember don't settle, go with your wants
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perfectly understand your dilemma. I want to try a lesbian experience. my husband is encouraging me to pursue. all the people i'm attracting on this site are males. the woman, if there are any women here, want their husbands to join in. I have a dick and pretty much happy with it. what is a women to do?
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