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| Blogs > CeriosEros > The life & times of Zero Mega |
Requiem for masturbation
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Requiem for masturbation I just jerked off. Came five times and...nothing. No feeling of release. No satisfaction. No taking the edge off. No clear mind. Nothing but a ruined paper towel. The same feeling of tension I had when I started I still feel. And this has been happening all year. I think I did it. I've become immune to jerking off. My long and strange history with jerking off is at its end. And I have to admit it's one hell of a story. I remember the first time I jerked off. It was amazingly awkward. I was started late. I was 14 and just watched my third porn ever. It was the first time I watched the finale of a scene. Before then the porn I had seen was way too intense for me to watch more than a few minutes. But I made it to the end and something I wasn't expecting happened. The guy pulled out and stroked his cock and came on this woman's tits. This was a revelation because I didn't know you could do that. Both cum and stroke your cock. I know that's kind of weird for a 14-year-old to not know about these things but I genuinely didn't know. I moved a lot as a kid and by a lot, I mean over 50 times. I never had any friends. So I never learned through them. I mean I heard jokes about nutting (that's what we called it in the 90s) and jerking off at school but it was always mocking some kid who wasn't popular don't ask me why. And my sex ed was just an assembly with a list of STD's and an abstinence pledge we all had to sign at the end. Which I haven't broken come to think about it. And the only sex talk with my mom was 1 sentence long. ”If it stank, don't fuck it”. Yeah so no help there. So when I witness this guy jerk it. I was inspired, so whip out my pubescent penis and start stroking. It was awkward and didn't like it so I stopped. It took two more attempts until I forced myself to keep going while in the shower until, BLAMO! I came for the first time. And it was Glorious. For the next two years, I was a pervert. I jerked off anywhere and everywhere. It became a real problem. A lonely kid with no friends, with an overprotective mom who wouldn't let me go more than to the store and back. It's all I had. But I realized I was a pervert and I did something about it. I stopped masturbating altogether. How I did it is a different story. Maybe I'll tell it later. I didn't jerk off again until I was 21. I read an article in a magazine that quoted the National urological association's study stating that if a man doesn't have sex or masturbate enough his penis can atrophy up to 2 inches. And I was a virgin and never masturbated so it scared me into starting again. And they were right my penis did atrophy 2 inches. I thought my penis was just under 6 inches but after around a year of consistently jerking off I found out my penis is just under 8. Yes, that is a humble brag. I'm a virgin let me have this one. But after 14 years of stroking, I've come to the end of the road. I'll remember the good times like how I discovered that I was multi-orgasmic and that massaging my balls makes me cum harder. Also, I'll remember the bad times like the time I fucked a couch or the time I was supposed to be babysitting but left them alone to jerk off in the basement. Those days are behind me now. |
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I also was accused and mocked until I cried for touching myself back when I wasn't. I don't know if anyone has experienced that type of ridicule but it is both maddening and soul-crushing that no one believes you and it probably fucked me up in the head about touching myself. But it is hilarious now that I look back on it.
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Well I'v been yanking it for over 35 years and its still feels good i'm not sure I'll ever stop unless it stops getting hard
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"Those days are behind me now". I hope you're not planning on stopping masturbating entirely. Self-love is a good practice for physical and mental health  But if you continue to experience this lack of relief and satisfaction, maybe some counseling is in order. Personally, my libido these days is low enough that I kind of have to set aside time to masturbate, because otherwise I'm not being 'driven' to do it. But, I do enjoy it once I make myself get going.   
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"Those days are behind me now". I hope you're not planning on stopping masturbating entirely. Self-love is a good practice for physical and mental health But if you continue to experience this lack of relief and satisfaction, maybe some counseling is in order. Personally, my libido these days is low enough that I kind of have to set aside time to masturbate, because otherwise I'm not being 'driven' to do it. But, I do enjoy it once I make myself get going.
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