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Control is an Illusion
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Control is an Illusion My son and I had a meeting with one of the property management company's we do a lot of work for. They're slamming us with work, and of course they want it all finished tomorrow. LOL. Four houses, to flip. Ranging from maybe a 4 day job, to one that is damn near stripping the house down to sheetrock and starting over. I tell her, there's no way I can give her a realistic estimate on the completion of all of them. I can't control the schedules that far out on that many projects, all needing to happen at the same time. I don't have that big of a labor pool, and there's always too many interruptions. She says, well you have to learn to control the interruptions. LOL After I explained that she was the biggest interruption. Like she also just gave me 5 maintenance jobs, most need to be done tomorrow, that have to fit in as well. She finally laughed at that, and seems to get back to understanding how this business works.  In my business, there is no "control". There's just management of parts and labor and schedules written in pencil. Somehow, the main topic between me and my son after we left, was the fallacy of "control". I've always been a A type personality, with a lot of drive. As I've gotten older though, I've come to realize the old adage, I control my own destiny isn't exactly true. I could get hit by a bus tomorrow and there goes my destiny. Control is often times, just an illusion. He's having conflicts in his marriage, basically because both of them feel like they need to be in control. He agrees he can be a little bit of a control freak. Wanting to set the rules for their kids, schedules and all the fun stuff that comes with raising kids. It's not that he won't listen to her input, he just rarely agrees with it. She wants the same thing.She's the mom, so she wants control over most everything. She'll listen to him, but then either just blows it off, or does the direct opposite of what he wants. To prove, she's in control. So while both of them think they're in control..the reality is, neither of them really are. And it's chaos. LOL I've never really been much of one that is controlling in relationships. Always felt if i have to control who you are and what you do, we probably aren't that good of a match anyway. But I do have a friend that is overboard. To be honest, I don't know how or why his wife stays with him. In my opinion, you shouldn't have to be in "control" for a relationship to work. In the matters of sex, exempting a Dom/Sub game, I think flipping leads (or control if you will), is a great thing. I think it's great when both are accepting enough to initiate and/or plan everything from dates to sex. Have you ever been in a controlling relationship? Did it also bleed over into your sex life? Personally, I can't say I'd want to be on either side of that type of relationship. " I refuse to belong to any organization that would accept me as a member" Groucho Marx |
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Maybe I've just mellowed with age. While I can always remember being a "leader", I really don't think I ever needed to be controlling. Maybe I'm too old now to remember. LOL " I refuse to belong to any organization that would accept me as a member" Groucho Marx
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Yes, I have a controlling relationship in my past. It was insidious. I don't know how long it would have lasted if winter hadn't arrived. Turned out, that former southern boy didn't go out in bad weather. That left me alone often enough to recognize that he had been trying to cage me. I don't cage well. Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation bangs on the door forever!
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Have you ever been in a controlling relationship? Yup Did it also bleed over into your sex life? Well, there really wasn't much sex at all - so I ended up here.  When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
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I am not one to be controlled. I also don't try to control someone. I have witnessed control freaks as my sister was married to one. His verbal abuse was awful for her. He was also a stalker when they were separated. It took court action for him to stop bothering her. Luckily he has some self respect and respect for his children to behave better. What it did to my sister...how she questions everyone's motives now, it's like paranoia. He, the ex husband, would do something nice, and then expect to be back in good graces. The manipulation was seriously warped. Needless to say she has wicked trust issues. I am kind of the opposite. I can be gullible and too trusting. I have been burnt by liars. You would think I would learn. But I know the opposite is to be kind of closed minded to new people and opportunities. Sorry for going off on a tangent. Lol Independently Romantic Sounds Better Than Lonely
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It seems more people have been in those kind of relationships that I would have thought. I think it has to be a flexible but even keeled thing, for it to work with me. " I refuse to belong to any organization that would accept me as a member" Groucho Marx
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Yes, I have a controlling relationship in my past. It was insidious. I don't know how long it would have lasted if winter hadn't arrived. Turned out, that former southern boy didn't go out in bad weather. That left me alone often enough to recognize that he had been trying to cage me. I don't cage well. But, unlike your southern boy, I don't believe in caging anyone. . Don't blame you a bit. " I refuse to belong to any organization that would accept me as a member" Groucho Marx
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Have you ever been in a controlling relationship? Yup Did it also bleed over into your sex life? Well, there really wasn't much sex at all - so I ended up here.  " I refuse to belong to any organization that would accept me as a member" Groucho Marx
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Good for you. I'm amazed at how long some women stick around. Even like my friend. He's not abusive, but it's always his way or the highway.. If I was her, I'd have chosen the highway a long time ago. " I refuse to belong to any organization that would accept me as a member" Groucho Marx
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I can see your point on that aspect of it. I can control whether I get up and go to work. I'm no where near as free spirited as I was or as I'd like to be. But hopefully another couple of years, and I'll be a little less confined. " I refuse to belong to any organization that would accept me as a member" Groucho Marx
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I am not one to be controlled. I also don't try to control someone. I have witnessed control freaks as my sister was married to one. His verbal abuse was awful for her. He was also a stalker when they were separated. It took court action for him to stop bothering her. Luckily he has some self respect and respect for his children to behave better. What it did to my sister...how she questions everyone's motives now, it's like paranoia. He, the ex husband, would do something nice, and then expect to be back in good graces. The manipulation was seriously warped. Needless to say she has wicked trust issues. I am kind of the opposite. I can be gullible and too trusting. I have been burnt by liars. You would think I would learn. But I know the opposite is to be kind of closed minded to new people and opportunities. Sorry for going off on a tangent. Lol :I'm sure, with situations like your sister, it could have major ramifications on trust. " I refuse to belong to any organization that would accept me as a member" Groucho Marx
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LOL...yeah...maybe a selfish partner. Though there has to be a better name for it out there somewhere. I'm the same way, I can take direction really well. Don't mind suggestions. But start telling me I have to do something, and I'm about done. " I refuse to belong to any organization that would accept me as a member" Groucho Marx
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LOL...so at least it didn't bleed into the non existent sex life. And hell, we're the better having you around anyway.. When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
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Its sad when your in a controlling relationship and yes I was in a controlling and abusive one for 14 years on and off. But no more I got out, got my kids and no MAN controls me anymore. I wouldn't say I control my marriage now but seems I have to do everything is that considered control..lol. I hope you get all of your projects done and then enjoy some down time.. Seduce the mind and see what a wonderful adventure the body will take you on.. 
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10/12/2018 17h38 |
I have witness a control freak- I watched a relationship crumble because of it. No one wants to be told what to eat, wear, do all the time. The thing is- if the control freak doesn’t get her or his way- just not good. Laughing is good for the soul!!! I’m a dork but I don’t care. I’m very easy going now- no more hormones 😜😜
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10/12/2018 18h02 |
I am a leader at work...lead people to do as I please....control the schedule...control the day. I find it completely rewarding to be able to let go when it comes to my sex life. To let my partner lead and take charge of every aspect of my sex life. I understand it isn't for everyone, but to one way in my work life and another in my private life keeps me well balanced.
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Hope you are kicked back with a glass of wine...lol. Yeah. I've been in a controlling relationship. It didn't start out so lopsided, but it sure ended up that way. I didn't recognize how much control he had until it was over. He's a narcissist, and I never knew which version was going to react in any conversation. I hate conflict and he seemed to thrive on it, so I would withdraw and give in instead of fighting for what I wanted, like spending a holidays with my family or visiting my parents. We lived in the same town as his parents, so did everything with them (I love them, and didn't mind that part, it just wasn't an equitable split of time...and my family, mostly my sister, gave me grief about it. And I'd feel horribly guilty when aunts and cousins would tell me how much they missed seeing us). I don't know if you were reading my blog when I posted about buying red grapes...what a big deal that was right after we separated...that was when I first realized that he wasn't going to decide anything for me again. Now, the crazy thing in all of this is I tend to be a bit of a control freak...I plan everything in the most minute detail...winging it is not my thing. With work, I'm worse, and perhaps that is because I lost the control at home, so I compensated at work. Well, maybe I should say I was...after we separated, I relaxed a bit with being so in control at work. Doesn't mean I'm not ridiculously organized, lol...that isn't going to change.  This is a challenge for me, something I'm working on...to wing things sometimes. There will always be some things I have to be very organized about, but where I don't need to be, I'm trying to just go with it. Which is why throwing pottery is so tough some times...but I also totally love it. Did it bleed over into our sex life...yeah, it did...and not in a positive way. "Sometimes the most productive thing you can do is relax." – Mark Black
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And after the controlling relationship was over it took 20 years to get here, and am still being told what to do!!!! LOL But this is a good thing now!!!! Stop by at lonlyforlove2 also see Lunch with Lonly , we get snow tomorrow Check my blog on New Community, "A photo of my big Pecker" also, " My Sunday afternoon with the kids'
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Plato, given this response you are now my online Marketing guy. Kinks, I am handy to have around for my skills, you know . . . handyman stuff. I also moonlight as a sex toy  When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
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Feel free to spread the "better having you around" thing around. You know write it on walls, blogs, notes to women, etc. " I refuse to belong to any organization that would accept me as a member" Groucho Marx
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Its sad when your in a controlling relationship and yes I was in a controlling and abusive one for 14 years on and off. But no more I got out, got my kids and no MAN controls me anymore. I wouldn't say I control my marriage now but seems I have to do everything is that considered control..lol. I hope you get all of your projects done and then enjoy some down time.. I'll have time off for Christmas and New years. " I refuse to belong to any organization that would accept me as a member" Groucho Marx
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I have witness a control freak- I watched a relationship crumble because of it. No one wants to be told what to eat, wear, do all the time. The thing is- if the control freak doesn’t get her or his way- just not good. Laughing is good for the soul!!! I’m a dork but I don’t care. I’m very easy going now- no more hormones 😜😜 " I refuse to belong to any organization that would accept me as a member" Groucho Marx
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I think we share the same idea's on this one. I would imagine you don't stand for the controlling type. Kudo's to you. " I refuse to belong to any organization that would accept me as a member" Groucho Marx
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I am a leader at work...lead people to do as I please....control the schedule...control the day. I find it completely rewarding to be able to let go when it comes to my sex life. To let my partner lead and take charge of every aspect of my sex life. I understand it isn't for everyone, but to one way in my work life and another in my private life keeps me well balanced. " I refuse to belong to any organization that would accept me as a member" Groucho Marx
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Hope you are kicked back with a glass of wine...lol. Yeah. I've been in a controlling relationship. It didn't start out so lopsided, but it sure ended up that way. I didn't recognize how much control he had until it was over. He's a narcissist, and I never knew which version was going to react in any conversation. I hate conflict and he seemed to thrive on it, so I would withdraw and give in instead of fighting for what I wanted, like spending a holidays with my family or visiting my parents. We lived in the same town as his parents, so did everything with them (I love them, and didn't mind that part, it just wasn't an equitable split of time...and my family, mostly my sister, gave me grief about it. And I'd feel horribly guilty when aunts and cousins would tell me how much they missed seeing us). I don't know if you were reading my blog when I posted about buying red grapes...what a big deal that was right after we separated...that was when I first realized that he wasn't going to decide anything for me again. Now, the crazy thing in all of this is I tend to be a bit of a control freak...I plan everything in the most minute detail...winging it is not my thing. With work, I'm worse, and perhaps that is because I lost the control at home, so I compensated at work. Well, maybe I should say I was...after we separated, I relaxed a bit with being so in control at work. Doesn't mean I'm not ridiculously organized, lol...that isn't going to change. This is a challenge for me, something I'm working on...to wing things sometimes. There will always be some things I have to be very organized about, but where I don't need to be, I'm trying to just go with it. Which is why throwing pottery is so tough some times...but I also totally love it. Did it bleed over into our sex life...yeah, it did...and not in a positive way. I used to be very much a planner, and still am with work. Though in my business, plans change and get interrupted constantly. So I've learned to be more flexible in the work schedules. For play, I'm perfectly fine waking up on a Saturday and saying, lets go to the beach, and be gone 30 minutes later. " I refuse to belong to any organization that would accept me as a member" Groucho Marx
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Yeah, gotta say it sounds like it would not be a great relationship to be in. " I refuse to belong to any organization that would accept me as a member" Groucho Marx
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