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| Blogs > LustyTaurus > A CrAZy CaNUcK... |
Something to offend everybody...
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Something to offend everybody... SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE  . . . Picture----Leaf Blower What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a room together? 100 people who don't do dick. What do attorneys use for birth control? Their personalities. What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife? 45 lbs. What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband? 45 minutes. What's the fastest way to a man's heart? Through his chest with a sharp knife. Why do men want to marry virgins? They can't stand criticism. Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? Because those men already have boyfriends. What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you. What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving. A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has the`biggest boobs? The blonde, because she's 18. What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW? A porcupine has the pricks on the outside. What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? "Are you sure it's mine?" What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts? Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck. Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex? Mace will do that to you. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Breasts don't have eyes. Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi? He walks around saying "Yo." Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays? Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it. What's the Cuban National Anthem? "Row, Row, Row Your Boat." Where does an Irish family go on vacation? A different bar. What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other? A speech impediment. What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast? They're hiring. What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo? A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe." How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F... word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*! What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale? A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..." Why is there no Disneyland in China? No one's tall enough to go on the good rides What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker? A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again. What's a mixed feeling? When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car. What's the height of conceit? Having an orgasm and calling out your own name. What's the definition of macho? Jogging home from your vasectomy. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball? A guy will actually search for a golf ball. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex? They spray paint X's on the back of the sheep that kick. Why is divorce so expensive? Because it's worth it. What is a Yankee? The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common? They both like a tight seal. What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common? Their balls are just for decoration. What is the difference between "ooooooh" and "AAAAaaaahhhhhh"? About three inches. Why do Gay men wear ribbed condoms? For traction in the mud. What's the difference between purple and pink? The grip. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony? It's not hard. How do you circumcise a hillbilly? Kick his sister in the jaw. If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love? The swallow. What is the difference between medium and rare? Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning? They don't have balls to scratch. A Polish immigrant goes to the Department of Motor Vehicles to apply for a driver's licenseand is told he has to take an eye test. The examiner shows him an eye chart with the letters: C Z J W I X N O S T A C Z "Can you read this?" the examiner asks. "Read it?" the Polish guy replies, "I know the guy An ugly woman walks into a shop with her two kids. The shopkeeper asks "Are they twins"? The woman says "No, he's 9 and she's 7. Why? Do you think they look alike?" "No", he replies, "I just can't believe you got laid twice"! A guy walks into the local welfare office, marches straight up to the counter and says, "Hi... You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job." The social worker behind the counter says, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful nymphomaniac daughter. You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he'll supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips. You will have to satisfy her sexual urges. You'll be provided a two-bedroom apartment above the garage. The starting salary is $200,000 a year." The guy, wide-eyed, says, "You're bullshittin' me!" The social worker says, "Yeah, well... you started it." A Professor was giving a lecture on "Involuntary Muscular Contractions" to his first year medical students. Realizing that this was not the most riveting subject, the Professor decided to lighten the mood slightly. He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, "Do you know what your asshole is doing while you're having an orgasm?" She replied, "He's probably golfing with his friends." Have a happy friday! lustytaurus LustyTaurus |
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Thanks for the morning laugh!!!! Have a great day!!!! ***snowbunny_1969*** ^^^Theres nobunny like Snowbunny^^^
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Bravo! MB and I enjoyed the laughs. TGIF!
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Ah reckon the ones meant to offend me were the Southern ones, but I laughed anyway. John Lee Hooker Recommended: [blog lucyjane78]
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Thanks for all the laughs LT that was awesome! Kisses, LeeAnn Kisses, LA   
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LOL! I liked that so much I'm printing it! 
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Good one liners make you laugh multiple times. I look at my old stuff sometimes too. I don't remember seeing the Mike Tyson one before, but it hit my funny bone. Thanks wild Crosswords increase your vocabulary. Cross words increase your blood pressure.
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