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Illusions
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Illusions Both Sides Now Tears and fears and feeling proud To say "I love you" right out loud Dreams and schemes and circus crowds I've looked at life that way Oh but now old friends are acting strange They shake their heads, they say I've changed Well something's lost but something's gained In living every day I've looked at life from both sides now From WIN and LOSE and still somehow It's life's illusions I recall I really don't know life at all Joni Mitchell So, here I go, writing my very first blog ever. And how do I start. by using the words of someone else, one of my dearest allies, although she has no idea how much her words have touched me over so many years, so many lifetimes. She wrote that song, Both Sides Now, sometimes called Clouds, when she was the wise old age of 21. How is that even possible? I first heard it when I was 14. It seems like it touches a more innocent and optimistic time of my life, since that’s when I first heard it, and for some reason I believe that I might have come back to that time full circle. But now, I get to experience it through a fuller and more complete lens as Aimee. And unlike Joni, I was not ahead of my time, so only now am I beginning to grasp the true meaning and depth of those lyrics. For me it took a few lifetimes and coming across an entirely new way of perceiving myself in the world. I don’t expect most here to understand what that means, but if you’re interested. I’m hoping that I can try and explain over time. Big Disclaimer - I’m still trying to figure it out myself. One last thought on this….Joni recorded this song more than once, when was very young, and then much later in her life. And even though the lyrics did not change, you can tell by the difference in the two versions she has. Of course, we all do. Life is difficult, you can’t change that. Might as well be brave, be fierce, be confident, but realize it’s probably another illusion. Choose wisely, but never be afraid to choose. I’ve struggled with what to write here. This is “passion” after all…Probably not too many, if any people will read what I decide to write, because I’m not trying to enhance or exploit my sexual cache, it’s my first attempt at trying to figure out why I’m even here in the first place. I hate to disappoint, but I don’t think I’m here to broaden my sex life or find yet another partner, although I’m an incurable romantic so who knows. I’ve been on this site for only 5 weeks, granted a memorable 5 weeks due to an ongoing pandemic (another awful “C” word) and major, significant social unrest. During which time I have connected with more people than I could imagine who seem to like the way I present myself. It has been very disorienting to be popular. And it’s all because I have decided to let Aimee out into the world. And she likes it. Forgive me if I sound schizophrenic, but this is relatively new to me and I still project a male side and a female side…on here you will only meet my female persona. The truth is that I am much more androgynous then either extreme. But my female attributes and inclinations have been closeted and unrealized for so long, that I need to give them more time and energy to find my true balance. Back to why I am here. First, thank you all who have been so nice and appreciative. It seems like the only negative responses that I have received have been directed at my social/political comments. And that’s fine too. My only request is that if you feel I am wrong, naive, another liberal snowflake or whatever, please don’t do the hit and run, talk to me. Make me understand why I’m so wrong and you are right. So, I am here to connect, mainly to connect with people that truly have at least some understanding of my previous statements. I don’t care if you’re straight, gay, trans, other, but if you want the focus to only be around sex, then I would rather pass. Before Aimee, I use to pretend that I could figure things out on my own, given enough time. I don’t believe that anymore. I need to connect, to talk, to cry, to laugh and maybe become friends with a few. I think that’s enough for now. Welcome to my illusion. Aimee   |
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Aimée  I didn't know that song but i listened to … the beautiful strings at the beginning could be the perfect soundtrack of this beautiful text you wrote, i recognize myself in so many words you use … hope you will wrote a thousand other posts … kisses {=}
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Welcome to the Grand Illusion. Styx Good Job Girlfriend, I look forward to hearing more from you. Kisses, Izzy
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Great first blog post. Welcome and best of luck finding that which you seek! Oh, pretty nice pics as well. 
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Aimee, after reading your blog three or is. It four times now, I, I’m forcing myself to commit to paper which I think is a first...I usually wait for the right beginning and then the words have a habit of flowing until The timing feels Right to conclude. And here I lay still struggling for my flow....Your flow is really quite remarkable ...it feels very natural... Ohh I guess here’s the beginning, wow so you’ve only been here, on this site for such a brief time ...Welcome...and here I was thinking you’ve been here at least as long as I, and our paths hadn’t connected until a few days ago, yet ‘tis really only a brief interlude of not having met. In this brief time it has been fascinating knowing a little more of you from our brief communications, but the thing that most strikes me is the connections you’ve made?..awesome people who from those I know obviously see a mirror shining from you, echoing similar reflections (and yes the mixed metaphor Akers sense and seems perfect. Aimee your are such important, no critical social and survival issues whilst evolving your very own, not only thru words, but music art erotica and in being evocative ...’tis so gorgeous to bear witness ...thankyou for allowing me into the illusion xxoo JeffX akaYKW
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