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| A look at my inner feelings and thoughts and the world me. The Good The Bad and the Ugly |
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My return
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Publié :4/8/2009 1h35
Dernière mise à jour :9/5/2024 14h22 5051 vues
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Hello Blogland it has been almost 3 years since I stopped coming here 2 years if you count the time since I last wrote on my other profile. I have been thru some up's some down's and some all arounds. It is time I get back to doing what makes me happy and that is writing to all that are here in the land of bloggers. I have noticed alot of the people I use to write to and follow have left and I hope they have found happiness in what they have gone on to do and know that I send my wishes with them. I am a lil rusty but as the time goes by I will start to open up more and let everything out hopefully all goes as planned now yall have a good one and be easy.
Cain
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Rising of the God of Hate.
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Publié :31/1/2007 7h34
Dernière mise à jour :4/8/2009 1h09 5230 vues
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Ok I am not going to get as deep on here as I did on myspace but I have never been so pissed in my life. I seriously dislike it when people hate it so bad to see you with someone other than you that to stoop to the lowest damn levels as if that is going to make them come to you. I just had someone throw all my business out in the street like a damn newspaper yet she wonders why I don't have an emotional attachment to her or why I say I won't get one with her. She is a good friend, yes relationship wise not my type. And the crazy bullshyt that she has been pulling lately proves it even so much more. Anyway I feel a lil better sorry about that had to vent.
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Fuck the thing called love and all its about
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Publié :15/1/2007 20h43
Dernière mise à jour :27/1/2007 10h39 5167 vues
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Yeah so this right here is just my own lil personal rant of sort. I hate love. Seriously I do, I have fought off emotional attachment for so fucking long and one day i slip up and give in and get fucked over. Maybe if I was the asshole that verbally and physically abuses the chick that i "love" maybe she would stay with me. Cause in today's society that seems how things work. The nice guy gets shytted on and then becomes the fall back guy or he finally gets the girl after the asshole has completely destroyed her self-esteem her pride and her trust in all men. I am fucking tired of being the guy babying egos, rebuilding self-esteem, and trust within men just to be shitted on. I won't lie I have done some fucked up shyt in my time but in the end I was always truthful. I never sat there and spit "game". Game is something that boys say to play head games. I am a man and I will straight tell ya what I want. I like making friends now if somewhere down the line we have sex it just an added bonus. If i just want sex ill go to the bar get super shitty, leave my heart at home, and tell ya thats what I want. So in the end fuck love who needs the bullshyt anyway.
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Throwback
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Publié :4/1/2007 19h43
Dernière mise à jour :5/1/2007 12h20 5147 vues
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yeah I was at home and took a picture of a picture and here is one of me and me lil brother from a long time ago
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Ahh a new year...
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Publié :4/1/2007 19h39
Dernière mise à jour :9/5/2024 14h22 5170 vues
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Well its 07 and its time for the year to date bullshyt roll over. Since August I have been going thru some tough times with finances, love, life in general. It tends to seem as life seems to start going in a better direction I step in a damn pothole twist my ankle and roll back down the damn hill. 07 is gonna be good though I just have to keep my eyes on the prize and keep moving. On a happier note I got to go back home to Bama for the first time in 3 years and see my family over the holidays which is cool. I guess that is all that is going on with me at the moment when i know more ill let yall know. Have a good Year and yall stay up.
Cain
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Someone Tell me WHY!?!?!?!?!?
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Publié :29/11/2006 7h01
Dernière mise à jour :4/8/2009 1h10 5400 vues
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ok so i just did my morning routine of checking my email and looking for jobs and so forth. Well this morning I came across and email that caught my eye much quickly. In short it was a job offer to move me to East St. Louis and do what I love doing. Ok that sounds all good and dandy but I just signed a one year lease to this place and I can't back out on my roommates especially since one has a six year old daughter that is like my niece. Why is timing always so bad for me. Ok im going to cry not really but yet again I want to
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The Death of Cain
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Publié :28/11/2006 12h52
Dernière mise à jour :4/8/2009 1h12 5422 vues
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Some of you have read some of my recent post and seen the roller coaster that i am going thru right now at this moment. And sitting in my bed and meditating I have been able to go back to the point as to where all the emotional drawback and anger first started. All this began around March of last year when I was scammed out of 2 grand and the military decided that I willingly worked with the scam and decided to take my TDY's and Deployments, hence my money away from me. From there until about late october early november I sat back and my loner phase began as I watched my friends leave and comeback stacking money while i sat there struggling to pay off my bills and still make a living while not doing my job what so ever plus im under investigation by the military's FBI to say. Then november comes and I am back to the job I love pushing to finish the last lil bit of my training. December comes and again I am taken from my job but my peers are back so I still have some stability to myself. Well January comes and my commander takes more money from me by taking rank and sends me into Correctional Custody for 30 days.
CC is where they send the airmen that have alcohol offenses, theft, and lil petty crimes. They send ppl there because they believe they can still make it in the Air Force. Well i was looked upon as a thief and sent there. For 30 days I sat by myself drawing strength from only myself and my God. Through the mental mind games and the physical strengthening i made it thru.
It wasn't until I got back to my base did i realize I had changed. I wasn't as active as I once was. I wasn't the people person or the life of the party I have became a Loner because it seemed like no one knew how I felt. It also felt like everyone was breathing down my neck and I had lost the spark for the job that I once had loved. Then 2 monthes back from CC I go the the desert where that eerie presence followed. Once I shook it off and I started to feel like myself again things took a turn for the worse because the eyes had not yet left. After a few emotioinal overboils I find myself in trouble yet again nothing big but I was already in the spot light so they seemed huge because of the shadow effect. They send me home to get myself straight and then instead of letting things get better downhill they keep going. My rank was denied yet again and then i was told they were looking at kicking me out if i didn't show progress. I then sucked up my pride and went to work I found the love for my job once again and the people that I had worked with things were going good with no problems then it happened. I was out the military faster then a minute man havin sex with a virgin.
I have been left behind the skills that I have learned aint shyt on the outside. I have no schooling to my name, I am 22 years old and the only thing I know is military life. No paycheck, bill collectors at my door and I am just barely holding onto my sanity from the burden of the government just dropping me on my ass and saying have a good life. Now the first step in basic troubleshooting is identifing the problem which I have. Second, is analyzing the problem and find out what would cause it. Now here is the hardest step the final step fixing the problem. Which in truns fixing alot of problems and I am on a deadline because i don't know how much longer my sanity will last.
I sit here and write this on the verge of tears but yet none flow out. Why i don't know? maybe its because i have forgotten who I am and built the shell for the tough guy only known as Cain. But who knows anyway Thank your for reading my novel and yall have a good one.
Tim
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Dreams yet again
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Publié :26/11/2006 2h39
Dernière mise à jour :4/8/2009 1h14 5320 vues
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So i have noticed that I have been blogging for close to 2 years now I had two blogs one was with MidnightDeStarbut now it is just this one. Well i was reading some of my old blogs and one was the second one i ever wrote entitled Dreams But it happened again. This time i was up in Canada and its around January say new years time frame. I am chilling with my friends up there but then I get a phone call. I tell my friends goodbye and I go and meet this chick. I can't see her face in my dream but I know the tat so I know who my subconcious is hinting at. Anyway we talk for a minute and the whole time its like we are just both hesitating to get at each other so then its like fuck it. and as soon as we start going at it I wake up. I mean like a TV show ending saying yeah you got to catch next weeks episode so see what happens. But this is a recurring dream so I am stuck on a never ending episode. Will the dream come true or will I just be stuck talking to rosey palm and finishing the dream as a day dream whose until then im goin to get some sleep. Have a good one.
Cain
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What the hell is wrong with Me?
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Publié :25/11/2006 12h27
Dernière mise à jour :28/11/2006 1h09 5345 vues
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Lately I have been finding myself turning into a new person. It seems like I am done being the pushover, but in turn im becoming the asshole i have always tried to not be. I find myself easily pissed off and every lil annoying thing sets off my ticker. I have always been the more pacifist person and day in and day out I become more aggressive. Who knows maybe I'm depressed and just in denile about it. I see myself going back to my ways as a loner and just shuting everyone off from me that cares for me. I have no idea what the fuck is going on and so forth and so on but anyway im about to go to bed and think things over and see how things continue to go I just ask you keep me in your prayers have a good one.
Cain
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Its my B-day so why am I not Happy
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Publié :12/11/2006 6h13
Dernière mise à jour :4/8/2009 1h16 5273 vues
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I know many will never read this but i just have to get it off my chest. I am a big watcher of blogland and lately it seems the peaceful place that I come to is being torn apart by meaningless trivial things. It might be that im tired but really it isn't. I love coming here writing my expressions and feelings without the mediocre "normal" people judging me for the way I choose to express myself or how I live my life. Like many have said blogland has reversed time and had its sweet sixteen. WTF seriously. But i would like to send shout outs to the people that keep it real and you know who you are. You see my comments on your page or see where I stop by and read on almost a daily basis. But anyway now that is off my chest. WOOHOO I'm 22 ::jumps around all happy go lucky:: now back to your blogland moment anyway yall have a good one and show a ni99a some love here and there
Cain
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Sinister Beginnings
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Publié :8/11/2006 4h37
Dernière mise à jour :9/11/2006 7h29 5270 vues
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Throughout time the Cain has rung forth as the Father of Darkness. The worlds first killer and man to turn his back on God with the words "Am I my brother's keeper?" Well from my last name I have been dubbed this name and sometimes it feels that I also inherited thoughts from the past feelings of past lifes. Is my usual charm and aura of good nature a deception or people look for to much from it. I am a kind hearted person that everyone can get along with but it seems the closer I get to people the more they get hurt. Lately I have locked myself away from the world and others as much as possible to seal this evil karma that pulses thru my veins. I don't know maybe its all in my head. Maybe im crazy maybe im running from destiny who knows. Only thing that can be made sure of is the sensation for vast knowledge. Knowledge is Power and Power is the true root to all evil not money. Adam and Eve bit the forbidden fruit to gain knowledge committing the first sin. They didn't bite it to gain wealth so tell me what do you think.
Cain
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