Naughties nearly over
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Publié :24/12/2009 12h13
Dernière mise à jour :8/5/2024 17h11 2192 vues
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To All that still don't know the difference between Good and Bad,
Wishing you decadent thoughts and indulgent pleasures for the season. Here's to the new decade
The Gentleman of Leisure
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A Guide to Calorie Burning During Sex...
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Publié :19/9/2007 15h44
Dernière mise à jour :14/7/2008 22h29 2821 vues
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REMOVING HER CLOTHES:
With consent..... 12 Calories
Without consent..... 187 Calories
OPENING HER BRA:
With both hands..... 8 Calories
With one hand..... 12 Calories
With your teeth..... 85 Calories
PUTTING ON A CONDOM:
With an erection..... 6 Calories
Without an erection..... 315 Calories
PRELIMINARIES:
Trying to find the clitoris..... 8 Calories
Trying to find the G-Spot..... 92 Calories
POSITIONS:
Missionary..... 12 Calories
69 lying down..... 78 Calories
69 standing up..... 112 Calories
Wheelbarrow..... 216 Calories
Doggy Style..... 326 Calories
Italian chandelier..... 912 Calories
ORGASM:
Real..... 112 Calories
False..... 315 Calories
POST ORGASM:
Lying in bed hugging..... 18 Calories
Getting up immediately..... 36 Calories
Explaining why you got out of bed immediately..... 816 Calories
GETTING A SECOND ERECTION:
If you are:
20-29 years old..... 36 Calories
30-39 years..... 80 Calories
40-49 years..... 124 Calories
50-59 years..... 972 Calories
60-69 years..... 2916 Calories
70 and over.....Death
DRESSING AFTERWARDS:
Calmly..... 32 Calories
In a hurry..... 98 Calories
With her father knocking at the door... 1218 Calories
With your wife knocking at the door.... 3521 Calories
c/o Torture Garden
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Introducing the Prig
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Publié :3/2/2006 9h45
Dernière mise à jour :5/3/2006 21h27 2749 vues
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Ladies and Gentlemen,
Allow me to introduce The Prig™. Yes, you heard right... The Prig™. Currently all the rage over in Europe, where they like to refer to it as 'Le Prig' (same thing, slightly different accent).
Prig™ is an all-singin', all-dancin' manimal-about-the-house. A completely untrained Darwinian anomaly. Guaranteed to leave the toilet seat up, and the dishwasher/ washing machine full of accumulated detritus. In fact, it's really unlikely he'd consider negotiating such intricacies of modern domestic mores.
However, Prig™ was not designed for such mundane tasks. No no; take a good look. Get real close. Inspect the fine workmanship on display here. Prig™ is a unique piece of machinery. Many of our customers have gone as far as referring to Prig™ as their 'Ultimate Dream Machine'. We have thousands of testimonials from satisfied , who insist their lives have changed beyond all belief.
- "Better than the time I was reclaimed by the Lord" gushes Olivia from Oslo, Norway.
- "Now we are saving up to become born-again virgins!" chirp a pair of the cutest Siamese twins you ever did see, currently living in Vienna, Austria.
Seriously, folks - Prig™ is simply the must-have house-pet to possess these days. And to assure you of our best intentions, not only are we currently offering a discount of purchases of two or more Prigs; we're also contributing a percentage of our profits to the renowned charity organisation, 'Roam, Roam on the Range: Caging Is Cruel - Release da' Beast'.
Each Prig™ comes with his own Behaviourial Pattern manual and tips on what he's good for - if you know what I mean 
We have limited supplies, but guarantee A-grade European Prigs, reared exclusively by Swiss dairy maidens. Early ordering is obviously recommended for the upcoming Valentine's season, and we will expedite overnight shipment with credit card transactions.
100% satisfaction, or your money back. Can't say fairer than that, can we!
So get in line and be the first on your block to see why all those Europeans have so much to smile about these days. It really is the sensation that's sweeping the nation.
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Publié :28/11/2005 3h01
Dernière mise à jour :5/3/2006 21h27 2584 vues
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"I woke up in extreme pain and felt like my groin area was on fire and I had a severe headache." (KDKA TV, US)
Ken Slabby tells a US court of the moment he realised his vengeful ex-girlfriend Gayle O'Toole had super glued his penis to his chest, and the cheeks of his buttocks together before painting side burns and polka dots on his head with nail varnish.
On the other hand, if s/he's really deserving of it, you can always treat your sub to my current fave website: by-accident docom. The intro blurb goes:
'Welcome to By Accident, a new concept that gives you the chance to receive the attention you deserve. We deliver customized accidents such as , assault and past traumatic experiences. All personally tailored to suit your special needs. When you start changing your past and creating a more unique and interesting life story you should assume the accident has already happened . . .'
Don't say I don't look after you... *weg*
c/o Skrufff docom.
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"Promise to blow my mind?"
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Publié :24/6/2005 1h45
Dernière mise à jour :5/3/2006 21h27 3063 vues
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Women's Brains Really Are Blown By Orgasms.
(Sky News, Tues 21st June, '05)
An orgasm is literally a mind-blowing experience for a woman, scientists have revealed.Much of her brain shuts down when she reaches a sexual climax.The discovery was made during experiments in the Netherlands when couples' brains were scanned during lovemaking.
Neuroscientist Dr Gert Holstege, from the University of Groningen said it appeared that shutting down the brain during orgasm ensured that obstacles such as fear and stress did not get in the way.
"When you are fearful or have a very high level of anxiety, then it's hard to have sex because during sex you really have to give yourself and let go."
Men were studied in the same way but because the male orgasm typically takes such a short time it was difficult to obtain meaningful brain scan data.
A total of 13 women and 11 men, ranging in age from 19 to 49, took part in the experiments at Dr Holstege's laboratory.
Since it was vital to remain completely still in the scanner, volunteers had to have their heads restrained while being stimulated.
The rest of the body was free to move.
Participants lay naked on a table with their head inside the scanner - but had to wear socks to avoid cold feet.
And there could be a connection with the aphrodisiac effect of alcohol.
"Alcohol brings down the fear level," said Dr Holstege. "Everyone knows if you give alcohol to a woman it makes things easier."
So what's the scientific explanation for men 'shutting down' post-coital? Thoughts, anecdotes, quips, etc; please...
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Pleasure through pain? (for the curious)
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Publié :23/6/2005 15h27
Dernière mise à jour :13/11/2007 13h46 3124 vues
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This question of pleasure through pain (or vice versa) is integral to the rhetoric of BDSM. I'd like to offer a slightly skewed perspective on this.
... the gourmands amongst you may appreciate this one 
I want you to think of that time when you first ate Thai food. I mean a really good, properly authentic version of it. One which made no concessions to the Western palate . On first taste, your initial impression was, "mmmnn! Delicious." Seconds later, your eyes are watering, your nostrils flaring, sinuses streaming uncontrollably. You have bitten into a chilli (trust me, small is *extremely* potent in this case). Your arms gesticulate wildly to your hosts - 'water! water! oh God - WATER!!'
Your hosts smile gently. They've been here before. They patiently wait.
Because, after the initial shock, a wonderful kaleidoscope of flavours begin to introduce themselves to you. The complexity of fragrant herbs and fiery spices open up, making you want more. And more. And more.
Next, you want to try more flavours and combinations. You have eschewed that glass of iced water; transcended your threshold; redefined your comfort zone. You can't get enough, and the thought of a burger just doesn't do it for you anymore.
Know what I mean?! 
[Oddly enough, ALT disallowed this blog, reasoning that it used banned words. Really? Which ones! Gotta love their logic sometimes.. )
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