A Little Water Humor
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Publié :3/8/2007 7h51
Dernière mise à jour :23/2/2008 13h55 5772 vues
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A Little Water Humor
by Peter M. Tirschwell
The Journal of Commerce
Knight-Ridder/Tribune Business News
Is America a country of environmental zealots willing to blindly follow the lead of others? Peter Sparber, a Washington, D.C. business lobbyist who regularly clashes with environmental groups wanted to find out. So he tried an experiment.
He put together a mailing list of people who supported banning pesticide use and sent them a letter from a fictitious group he called "Stop the Silent Killer Foundation".
The letter read: "Dear Mr. Smith: You have been identified as a person who cares deeply about the future of our fragile planet, the health of our children and the quality of our nation’s leadership. If we are right, we need your help, and we need it immediately. As you have undoubtedly read, dihydrogen oxide has been found to be a major threat to the environment and to human and animal health. Here are the facts:
In 1991, the most recent year for which statistics are available, 4,100 Americans– many of them under the age of 10– died from excessive dosages of dihydrogen oxide commonly found in many homes and recreation sites. Our polluted lakes, rivers and oceans are known to contain vast quantities of dihydrogen oxide. On this, there is no controversy! Contaminated ground water? Same tragic situation. In California, Missouri and Georgia families have lost their homes to dihydrogen oxide contamination. In some applications, dihydrogen oxide is a major contributor to injuries from falls. In other applications dihydrogen oxide is a major cause of burns.
Why does America endure this wasteful destruction of our planet, our children and ourselves? Greed. Simple greed and stupidity. We need your help now. In the next 24 hours, we need you to demand an end to the production and use of dihydrogen oxide. Please write: The Dihydrogen Oxide Institute, P.O. Box 7178, Washington, D.C. 20044-7178. On behalf of our future generations, I thank you. Sincerely, John Alan Waterman."
Dihydrogen oxide is, of course, water. But that did little to stop the howls of protest that poured into P.O. Box 7178, a mailbox Mr. Sparber rented out. Here are some responses:
# What is going on here? You people must really believe the world will come to an end in the year 2,000. Why else would you be poisoning the planet and its inhabitants with dihydrogen oxide?
# Stop the production of dihydrogen oxide! Dihydrogen oxide has been found to be a major threat to the environment and to human and animal health, and yet you continue to produce it?!
# Please stop all production of dihydrogen oxide until such time as we can all be assured that it is safe to humans, animals and the environment."
# Any product that causes injuries and death, as well as pollution, should not be used. Thank you."
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Last night!
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Publié :19/7/2007 7h58
Dernière mise à jour :28/4/2024 15h33 5564 vues
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Last Night … As I lay on my bed, thinking about you, I feel this strong urge to grab you and squeeze you, because I can't forget last night. You came to me unexpectedly during the balmy and calm night, and what happened in my bed still leaves a tingling sensation in me. You appeared from nowhere and shamelessly, without any reservations, you laid on my naked body...you sensed my indifference, so you applied your hungry mouth to me without any guilt or humiliation, and you drove me near crazy while you drained me. Finally I went to sleep. Today when I woke up, you were gone, I searched for you but to no avail, only the sheets bore witness to last night's events. My body still bears faint marks of your enthusiastic ravishing, making it harder to forget you. Tonight I will remain awake waiting for you... you f***ing mosquito.
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Take 3 minutes and try this
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Publié :12/7/2007 7h11
Dernière mise à jour :28/4/2024 15h33 5624 vues
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* FOLLOW THE INSTRUCTIONS - DO NOT CHEAT
OR IT WON'T WORK AND YOU'LL WISH YOU HADN'T
* Take 3 minutes and try this - it will freak you out
* This game has a funny / creepy outcome
* Don't read ahead just do it
* It takes about 3 minutes - Worth a try
* First get pen and paper
* When you finally choose names, make sure it's people you actually know, and go with your first instincts!!!!!
* Scroll down one line at the time - don't read ahead or you'll ruin the fun.
Here you go...
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SCROLL DOWN ...
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1. First, write numbers 1 through 11 in a column.
2. Then, beside numbers 1 and 2, write down any 2 numbers you want.
3. Beside the 3 and 7, write down the names of members of the opposite sex.
DON'T LOOK AHEAD OR IT WON'T TURN OUT RIGHT!
4. Write anyone's name ( like friends or family.... ) in the 4th, 5th, and 6th spot.
DON'T CHEAT OR YOU'LL BE UPSET THAT YOU DID!
5. Write down four song titles in 8, 9, 10, and 11.
6. Finally make a wish.
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SCROLL DOWN ...
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And there is the key of the game
---------------------------------
1. You must tell (the number in space 2) people about this game.
2. The person in space 3 is the one you love.
3. The person in 7 is one you like but can't work out.
4. You care most about the person you put in 4.
5. The person you name in number 5 is the one who knows you very well.
6. The person you named in 6 is your lucky star.
7. the song in 8 is the song that matches with the person in number 3.
8. The title in 9 is the song for the person in 7.
9. The 10th space is the song that tells you most about your mind.
10. And 11 is the song telling how you feel about life.
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DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!
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Publié :12/6/2007 10h28
Dernière mise à jour :23/2/2008 13h56 5659 vues
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I often hear how the girls complain about us men not listening.... here's another one....
DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!
Wanda's dishwasher quit working so she called a repairman. Since she had to
go to work the next day, she told the repairman, "I'll leave the key under
the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a cheque."
"Oh, by the way don't worry about my bulldog Spike. He won't bother you. But,
whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot!" "I
REPEAT, DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!"
When the repairman arrived at Wanda's apartment the following day, he
discovered the biggest, meanest looking bulldog he has ever seen. But, just
as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman
go about his work.
The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant
yelling, cursing and name calling. Finally the repairman couldn't contain
himself any longer and yelled,
"Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!"
To which the parrot replied, "Get him, Spike!"
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Pure Logic
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Publié :10/6/2007 11h12
Dernière mise à jour :23/2/2008 13h57 5765 vues
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Wine vs. Water
I love logic in its purest form.
In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia Coli (E. coli) bacteria found in feces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of Poop.
However, we do not run that risk when drinking wine (or rum, whiskey, beer or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.
Remember:
Water = Poop
Wine = Health
Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of shit.
There's no need to thank me for this valuable information; I'm doing it as a public service
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This is to be my symphony
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Publié :10/6/2007 10h29
Dernière mise à jour :12/6/2007 10h39 5774 vues
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To live content with small means; to seek elegance
rather than luxury, and refinement rather than fashion;
to be worthy, not respectable, and wealthy, not rich;
to study hard, think quietly, talk gently, act frankly;
to listen to stars and birds, to babes and sages,
with open heart; to bear all cheerfully; do all bravely, await
occasions, hurry never. In a word to let the spiritual,
unbidden and unconscious, grow up through the common.
William Ellerly Channing - 1780
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HOW TO START YOUR DAY WITH A POSITIVE ATTITUDE:
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Publié :10/6/2007 10h26
Dernière mise à jour :28/4/2024 15h33 5560 vues
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Hehe - something to cheer you up... 
1. Open a new file in your PC.
2. Name it "Boss"
3. Send it to the previously emptied RECYCLE BIN
4. Empty the RECYCLE BIN
5. Your PC will ask you, "Are you sure you want to delete Boss permanently?"
6. Answer calmly, "Yes," and press the mouse button firmly...
7. Feel better?
HAVE A GOOD DAY
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Yea Yea - Bla Bla
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Publié :22/4/2007 11h05
Dernière mise à jour :28/4/2024 15h33 5548 vues
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OK, OK, I know - what's the use of having a blog and not blogging?
I can for sure not keep up with Jen (see JenV01). I think she deserves an award for keeping the blog - blogging! Good going Jen!!
No let me blog a bit - no structure - just the way it comes to mind.
Is it not amazing - how even if we know we should not be careful of our expectations. Go read what Indulge had to say ([post 767694]) Indulge Dear you are right ‒ we create expectations and when it is not met we get hurt…
Let’s face it… most of us are just horny little devils snooping around to get laid (one way or another).
Keep it safe Friends!! GTG now.
Take Care
NibbleJakes
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