dig dig dig
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Publié :30/12/2006 11h13
Dernière mise à jour :3/5/2024 13h41 887 vues
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so, he says to me, 'lick my tongue'.
betrayal is a funny thing. is betrayal enjoying the company of a mutually sworn enemy? or is betrayal a thought crime of the highest nature, the mere passing chance of impending brutality causing salivation and wicked grins?
when i spent time with the glamorous widget this week i felt treacherous. he is not mine to admire, not mine to desire, yet i enjoy his company, and enjoy the insanity that seems to follow him like dust balls behind a tuscon bound ford thunderbird.
when i'm around the widget i just can't help but feeling bad, feeling as if i have broken some trust by merely being in his presence and laughing with him in a casual way. there is no sex there. nothing of the sort. i sorta like my fun to be at least taller than my belly button. but one of the people closest to me loves him, and has lost him forever, and my closeness to that wicked little fun thing at the same time thrills me and shames me.
i know i shouldn't feel guilty for the demise of others relationships, but i can't help but feel like a salt lick prying open this wound yet again.
maybe its my usual policy of staying away from the train wrecks of others relationships, or hiding away the tragedy of my own. yet i figure, that most of us being in our late 20's or so, that we have gone beyond the petty intricacies of the schoolboy crush.
speaking of....
why don't i have a crush. this is a very hollow sensation, not having someone to blame my emotional failings on this week. very strange indeed....
i wish one of the choices for mood was cryptic...
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3hree
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Publié :30/12/2006 3h53
Dernière mise à jour :3/5/2024 13h41 870 vues
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pink... who knew
it might be the snow. it might be that time of the month. but it's sad.
i've been thinking about him lately. stupid, i know. something that is so historically and fundamentally wrong shouldn't be lingering, especially nearly 3 years after the last episode. and i still walk down the street, see him riding in cars, staring through shaded windows, sitting in darkened shadows.
i know now that its not him that i want, not that collection of knives and briars that cut so deep and nestled under my skin for the past thirty millenia. i know that i just long for that feeling of wonder and warmth that for just a moment made me bright and ascendant. i know i am just afraid that never again will i be that whole.
not even whiskey is making me feel better.
the politics of snow are interesting. the politics of who benefits and who loses, the politics of sleeping smiles and empty stares.
politics is empty.
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without you, i am revoloutions of ruin
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Publié :14/12/2006 23h38
Dernière mise à jour :3/5/2024 13h41 956 vues
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breathe in
flipping through the middle section of only revoloutions today. for those of you who haven't heard of this wicked creation or haven't heard enough, its a 'novel' that tells a story from two perspectives, written in a disjointed verse, and that every 8 pages you turn the book upside down and read the other side of the story. its a love story basically, cataclysmic and raw with all the fire of two teenagers out to destroy the world, or create one of their own.
regardless, i love the book.
i want to feel that fire again, and i alluded to that in my last post.
sometimes i go through these apathetic phases. i become cruel and distant to the ones i love and enigmatic and untouchable to those that i possibly could. maybe its this time of year, with my years old curses of tim and dave come to kill my emotions just as they did so long ago. the only passions are in the novels i read or in the words that i write, or the melodramitc crazy soap that i can't believe i watch every day but do it anyway because its just too damn fun.
sam says i will never leave you, reflected in hailey's eyes at one point. i want that.
i do think its that time of year, the end of the cycle where all of us tend to step back and take a look at ourselves and our 12 months of missteps and mistakes. its not like i couldn't walk 3 blocks and get laid fantastically, or ask one of about 5 people i know that would be interested to go on a 'date' tomorrow afternoon. i just miss passion. i write about it on my other blog in the form of fractured fables and apocalyptic prose in my fiction, or in the scathing commentary of my opinions i post there too.
another friend says it best. i'm a passionate person with nothing to be passionate about right now.
oh well. on a lighter note. if anyone is interested, like i said i do write fiction and have been revising and altering some of my stuff lately too. if you like disturbing imagery and fantastic themes, let me know and i'll share. its not like its published or anything and i'd always be willing to hear an opinion.
maybe i just need to listen to happy music.
thats when i realize i don't own any lol.
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crawling through windowells
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Publié :9/12/2006 17h02
Dernière mise à jour :10/12/2006 12h54 957 vues
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breathe in
sobriety aside, i have this sneaking creepy suspicion that i am going to get bombed out of my gord tonight. call it intuition. call it divine intervention.
call it i wanna get a blowjob, and at this point i'll even settle on methmouth boy and his boyfriend baby huey. maybe one of the bartenders will help out. much rather have the bartender than the alternative. and after all, they are my boys.
is it sad when all your friends work at a bar? i mean sure they serve you drinks, and only charge you half of the time so thats a bonus. but honestly i have a good time with those boys. they put a smile on my face before the blitz settles in and then keep it going. i don't think i end up closing the bar because of the booze, because honestly there are times when i don't have a drink for 2 hours. i think i stay there because i am going to miss that one magic moment when everything is perfect and we all look at each other and just say 'wow, it's been a good day'.
i miss feeling like that. i miss having that warm support. i miss playing nhl 99 and acting like i didn't know how to play and then kicking everyone's ass and winning the tourney. i miss diablo 2. i miss mirrorshades and broomsticks. i miss orgotek. i miss the dark symmetry. i miss chasing the dog out to the lake. i miss frankenkitty. i miss p's foot rubs. i miss mushroom pizza. i miss the carnivorous beanbag. i miss the 4-9 amusement hour. i miss the tower and the barrel of beer. i miss the sprinkler and the shopping cart. i miss poe on the roof. i miss elevators and head bumps. i miss four rooms and squares. i miss turtle blood and hair parties.
i think that i have wiped my past clean so many times that it comes rushing back with much more force as i get older. faces and regrets and downright lies stare at me and accuse and judge and belittle.
i want them all back, and i don't even know if that is possible.
so like i said... there is a pretty good chance that someone is getting schnockered tonight, and i'll give you one guess who that is.
addiction didn't create this alcoholic.
regret did.
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sicknees or a crime
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Publié :8/12/2006 15h12
Dernière mise à jour :10/12/2006 4h42 1043 vues
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breathe in
so today i fought the good fight, the blood of my enemies on my hands and lips as i strode victoriously home through the winter chill, a smile on my face.
actually it was cold and my face had frozen into a smile resembling that creepy botox cat lady in new york.
sure, i was sent home from work for playing hookey yesterday, a days suspension my punishment for missing a day of work when i haven't even had so much of a black mark on my record. well, at least not for the past 4 months.
now, for those of you who are unindoctrinated in the fine art of the mental health day, let me give you some pointers. i call it
THE ROVE METHOD
1. the war on terror rule : when making up an excuse, make sure it is plausible but hard to authenticate. things like 'my grandmother died' can be researched by a vengeful coworker or nasty employer in only a matter of minutes online and can potentially cost you your job if they are proven to be false. for example, my excuse was a car accident on the way to work. yesterday i got a flat tire, then the spare blew out as well. sure i live within walking distance but it was butt cold. now that is technically a car accident, i just happened to add to the implication that there was another car involved by my omission of the circumstances behind the accident, which also leads to the next point.
2. the bush administration rule: do not go into detail about the circumstances unless asked, and even then be as vague and ambiguous as possible. to fix the dead grandmother problem above usually a simple change of syntax can cover your ass (i.e. dead grandmother becomes a death in the family). in my situation, i said it happened 5 minutes away from work, which is actually how long it takes to drive to work from my house so technically i gave up the location, but at the same time that gives me a good 12 block radius to work with in case questions come up later.
3. the wmd conspiracy rule: have an unrelated third party involved who can corraborrate your story while also absolving you of any wrongdoing. by using a 'patsy' unknown to your employer or co-workers as a witness there is an added level of credibility, yet still unverifiable by your potentional detractors and accusers. through, once again, ambiguous language, i suddenly wasn't the driver during said accident, but my roommate was. therefore any police involvement or documentation no longer is my responsibility and legally i have no right to take that paperwork to work to 'prove' my story. and in my situation i can always say that my roommate handed over the paperwork to their insurance company and didn't make copies.
and finally...
4. the rumsfeld rule: if even after following the preceding methods there still appears to be doubt on your intended audience DENY DENY DENY. Create a cloud of confusion supported by unrelated subjects and subtle jabs at their moral character that turns them from the agressor to the defender. use subtext to poke at their moral character, to capitalize on their fears and to ultimately cast enough doubt to make them even question why they were questioning you in the first place. this tactic can should only be used as a last resort for it requires a lot of follow up and makes your actual transgression appear paltry if your true intentions are uncovered.
hope that helps any potential truants in the audience.
questions? comments?
take it up with my press secretary.
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i want a decrepit loft and a bunch of supermodels
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Publié :8/12/2006 12h13
Dernière mise à jour :3/5/2024 13h41 957 vues
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thinking about quitting my job tomorrow. yes i know its irresponsible and yes i know its wrong, but i think i could get a job rather easily at like 5 different places. transition really isn't that scary to me.
i am so george michael burning the leather jacket. moving on to something more...
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hulk angry!
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Publié :7/12/2006 6h24
Dernière mise à jour :3/5/2024 13h41 924 vues
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breathe in
so after today i may not have a job. flat tire on the way to work, so i called in, now i have to talk to the boss before i come back.
so, if anyone in denver sees this, might as well make my day worth while... 
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you know that its true
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Publié :7/12/2006 12h03
Dernière mise à jour :3/5/2024 13h41 982 vues
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breathe in
i've been an ass. i made promises, kept them, then fell asleep. ass ass ass.
just thought i'd share.
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adventures in kitty porn
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Publié :2/12/2006 1h30
Dernière mise à jour :7/12/2006 2h43 1084 vues
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breathe in
get home tonight and kitty puke has greeted me with a foul smile and a low gutteral 'ha'. me and the ho are doin the laundry right now, strip the sheets and what do we find? a bug. not just a bug. it looks like a bedbug.
i'm a mess i know that, but the maggots in my brain have now infested my pillows. my couch. my sense of humanity even.
so now it becomes laundry night, good thing we have booze.
kitty is expensive tho. i only give her don perignon.
breathe out
when you go to see strippers, in my opinion, you should see examples of the human body in its finest condition. your envy and admiration is then reflected in the amount of dollar bills that litter the stage and said strippers waistline. for the benefit of you strippers, or those aspiring to do so, tracks and a visible ribcage, no matter how cute your tattoos are, are not attractive.
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popu----lar...ler...lar
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Publié :30/11/2006 21h44
Dernière mise à jour :3/5/2024 13h41 943 vues
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breathe in
hour 58. they are closing in on me. i can feel them all around me. must block the signals from their satellites. i only had 67 wire hangers, and i can still see open square inches in the asbestos lined vault that even still fails to protect me even through its white puffy cottage cheese industrialized magic. i'm still thinking that this foil is too thin, that it's been altered by the masterminds that manipulate the elections, the oil industry, the grammys, and, yes its true, even the rise and fall of kevin federline.
yes, bart simpson was right...
the world is being controlled by major league baseball.
and thats why i don't have any more views than 19.
major league baseball.
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breathe in
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Publié :8/11/2006 3h38
Dernière mise à jour :10/12/2006 4h42 947 vues
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i have another blog of this same title on another site, but i think thats against the rules or something, but i'll refer to it anyway.
http://passion.com
i don't post nearly as much as i should, but oh well.
and in reality, i'm doing this so i can at least get enough points to send the hotties winks.
truthfully... its all the corona drinking bitches fault. so if you have a problem, take it up with her... maybe she'll slap you around with her 10 inch cock.
edit-
angrypsycho.
blogspot.
com.
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