Just Between Us
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Publié :22/6/2015 22h37
Dernière mise à jour :31/8/2017 15h11 83314 vues
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I'm having problems with email on our friendly site, so this post is set up purely so those who wish to can communicate with me easier. Nothing posted here as a comment will show up to anyone except me.
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, 3 En cours
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That awkward moment during the prostate exam when you run your fingers through the doctor's hair.
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Publié :9/5/2015 12h16
Dernière mise à jour :23/6/2015 22h34 92767 vues
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Someone told me sex burns as a many calories as running 5 miles. That's great news if it's true. I'm not sure I could run 5 miles and certainly not 30 seconds?
I was thinking I do want to lose weight. In fact, if I can lose just a pound a week, I'll be a slim trim 225 lbs by the end of the year. That's when I realized I was standing in the kitchen with two cookies in one hand and a Mars bar in the other, and I was eating them simply because they were there. Probably a good thing I never became a gynecologist.
I couldn't stand to be without my legs. I'd be eating the Mars bar and cookies sitting down.
Before I forget, I learned recently that "dim sum" is NOT doing math in a poorly lit chinese restaurant.
Never work with someone who's obsessed with graphs. They'll always be plotting behind your back.
I was thinking about my ex-wife today, felt a little sad about the relationship ending but it was fate. She was a bank teller and over time, she gradually became more and more withdrawn.
I decided to write an autobiography and can't seem to finish it, but that's the story of my life. I struggle to find enough time in a day to get everything done and I thought why not clone yourself? But that wouldn't be like me.
I also got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'm gonna use it.
I needed a password with eight characters, so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. Computer said it was too short???
Have you ever thought about what a rip-off Velcro is?
I was invited to join a "Constipation Support Society" meeting this weekend and ironically, I couldn't go.
Here's something I always wondered about, maybe someone knows...what do atheists cry out during sex?
Yup....time to get a hobby lol!
LUSTYTAURUS
lustytaurus.
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Awkward
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Publié :7/4/2012 13h12
Dernière mise à jour :1/5/2015 10h31 135305 vues
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I've come to the realization someone very close to me needs help. They are very hyper sensitive and suspicious to the point of delusion.
I'm to the point I just want to cut and run but then I think about the person I know is inside...with a lot to offer if they can get help.
How does one get help to someone with this kind of a problem?? Ironically, it feeds into the primary delusion that nobody can be trusted, they are always misunderstood and people are out to get them! 
We'll get through it somehow, although the details of this process elude me at the moment!
Hope you all are having a happy easter.
LUSTYTAURUS
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IDIOTS!
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Publié :19/3/2012 19h05
Dernière mise à jour :14/9/2012 19h49 132521 vues
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Some of the idiots I work with and/or encounter everyday used to really irritate me. Then, at some point, my perspective changed to the point I can say I'm thankful for all the idiots in the world! The top ten reasons I have are:
1) The idiots I work with just make me look more valuable...only exception to this is having an idiot boss. (see item 6)
2) Idiots amuse me.
3) Idiot customers make me money because they wreck what they own and have to buy more.
4) Idiots REALLY amuse me.
5) The only thing more amusing to me than observing an idiot...is observing a group of idiots.
6) An idiot boss is easy to mess with...that amuses me.
7) Idiots are easily impressed, and lets face it, we all like feeling brilliant sometimes.
8.) Idiots will eventually tell you things you aren't supposed to know, and that can come in handy sometimes.
9) Idiots make really funny Tampon commercials...and that amuses me.
10) Idiots ALWAYS mispronounce words like athlete, aluminum, prescription, nuclear and sherbet. That both amuses me and makes me feel brilliant.
11) I've also come to realize that just like the rest of us, idiots come in sincere, kind well meaning varieties as well as evil, manipulative self-serving varieties...it's just easier to tell the difference with the idiots!
Aren't you thankful for the idiots in the world now? 
Feel free to add to this, and have a good day!
lustytaurus. LUSTYTAURUS
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I know what I'm doing tonight!
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Publié :1/3/2012 16h19
Dernière mise à jour :14/3/2012 21h09 132124 vues
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I just stopped in to check the ol' bloggarooney, and I noticed there are 169 people watching this blog...and the previous post had 169 views.
So if that isn't the sex goddess telling me something, I don't know what is!
...plus I'm horny...but that is just a nice coincidence! 
What are you doing in the next few hours?
lustytaurus.LUSTYTAURUS
FYI...(a pictoral representation is appreciated where possible as I suffer from MSASS...Male Short Attention Span Syndrome)
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Irritated all to hell...
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Publié :26/2/2012 11h29
Dernière mise à jour :19/6/2015 12h02 131475 vues
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I just had one of my favorite sammiches...good ol PB & J.
All we had was pure raspberry jam, and now my teeth are full of those stupid seeds!
Those little fuckers cling in there worse than pussy hair!!
Off to brush and floss...again...
Hope you're all having a great weekend...and go ahead, tell me something I don't know...I dare ya!
lustytaurus.LUSTYTAURUS
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Something to offend everybody...
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Publié :24/2/2012 5h19
Dernière mise à jour :2/6/2017 20h22 125587 vues
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SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE
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Picture----Leaf Blower
What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a room together?
100 people who don't do dick.
What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs.
What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes.
What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has the`biggest boobs?
The blonde, because she's 18.
What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"
What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?
Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.
Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
He walks around saying "Yo."
Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
What's the Cuban National Anthem?
"Row, Row, Row Your Boat."
Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.
What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring.
What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe."
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F... word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..."
A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..."
Why is there no Disneyland in China?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides
What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
What's a mixed feeling?
When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.
What's the height of conceit?
Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.
What's the definition of macho?
Jogging home from your vasectomy.
What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?
They spray paint X's on the back of the sheep that kick.
Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.
What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?
They both like a tight seal.
What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common?
Their balls are just for decoration.
What is the difference between "ooooooh" and "AAAAaaaahhhhhh"?
About three inches.
Why do Gay men wear ribbed condoms?
For traction in the mud.
What's the difference between purple and pink?
The grip.
How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
It's not hard.
How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
Kick his sister in the jaw.
If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
The swallow.
What is the difference between medium and rare?
Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.
Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
They don't have balls to scratch.
A Polish immigrant goes to the Department of Motor Vehicles to apply for a driver's licenseand is told he has to take an eye test.
The examiner shows him an eye chart with the letters:
C Z J W I X N O S T A C Z
"Can you read this?" the examiner asks.
"Read it?" the Polish guy replies, "I know the guy
An ugly woman walks into a shop with her two kids.
The shopkeeper asks "Are they twins"?
The woman says "No, he's 9 and she's 7.
Why? Do you think they look alike?"
"No", he replies, "I just can't believe you got laid twice"!
A guy walks into the local welfare office, marches straight up to the counter and says, "Hi... You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job."
The social worker behind the counter says, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful nymphomaniac daughter. You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he'll supply all of your clothes.
Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips. You will have to satisfy her sexual urges. You'll be provided a two-bedroom apartment above the garage. The starting salary is $200,000 a year." The guy, wide-eyed, says, "You're bullshittin' me!"
The social worker says, "Yeah, well... you started it."
A Professor was giving a lecture on "Involuntary Muscular Contractions" to his first year medical students.
Realizing that this was not the most riveting subject, the Professor decided to lighten the mood slightly.
He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, "Do you know what your asshole is doing while you're having an orgasm?"
She replied, "He's probably golfing with his friends."
Have a happy friday!
lustytaurus LustyTaurus
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