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To be perfectly blunt....The observations, suggestions, questions, reflections, fantasies and rantings of a tell-it-like-it-is, politically incorrect, need to be submissive, sex starved, gotta get this shit off my chest, 37 yr old widow.
This blog is 100% "me"....raw, uncut and unedited! What I write, I write for me....and honestly I crack myself the fuck up sometimes. If you enjoy it then that is just a bonus. I make no apologies so if you are easily offended then I suggest you get out now. Cuz you ain't fuckin seen nothin yet...
Yes I do know how to use correct punctuation and grammar. But I just try to write the way I feel...fuck the rules. I am writing as a creative outlet for me, so you literary types that feel the need to critique the actual writing....do me a favor and don't read this blog....go annoy the fuck out of someone that cares what you think.
Love it? Then "watch" it... at least leave a comment somewhere!?! Hate it? Who the fuck cares? Have the balls to tell me about it and I'll still respect ya in the morning. I might still think you're a total douche but whatever.
If you are new to my blog, I suggest you start with some of my favorites:
I mean really guysWTF are you thinking
The multifaceted inner workings of the female orgasm
The 1st lesson is always the hardestif it39s not then LIE TO ME
Bacon and the Golden Cock
The culmination of light bulbs and the rear naked choke
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Screw the meaning of life....give me some golden balls.
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Publié :9/10/2015 2h37
Dernière mise à jour :4/12/2015 12h23 67702 vues
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I haven't had a "gold ball" since July 2011.
Haha I mean I have......Just not here. LMAO. 
I guess it is all about how you define "gold ball".
What I'm saying is by passion standards I haven't had one. But just to set the record straight...I've never really been concerned about their definition of standards. It's a fucking porn site for gawd sakes, I have heels higher than their standards (granted I can't walk in most of them, but if we're being honest....is that really what heels are for???) 
Going back in time, with my fucked up, fragmented memory....my first month.... actually my first day here...was all about the same reason EVERYONE ends up here. To get laid. 
The problem is, unlike men (not trying to be judgmental here...sorry) but 99% of the time...my actual brain rules my vah jay jay. Unless massive amounts of alcohol are involved. In which case my brain will still make sure I pay for it in the morning. 
For those that care, I will explain. I am not, nor ever have been here under the delusion I am going to find the love of my life....NOT. EVEN. LOOKING. 
BUT
I learned very quickly....I can not fuck a retard.....even with mass amounts of alcohol (No judgment intended there either. And for the record....that is my very last disclaimer. EVER. I am NOT politically correct...and NEVER WILL BE. Refer back to the title/intro to this blog.) 
I already knew: I want sex, I don't want a "relationship". I'm not a "switch hitter". I'm not fond of ugly but there are bags and light switches.....I never considered "brains" matter. 
THEY FUCKING DO.
Yes I "met" a guy or two in the beginning here. And back in my blogging prime, I would include all the links to the "hilarious" stories /FAILS. But I frankly don't have that much motivation right now. So I will sum it up by saying, I have previously written about the underlined items, if you are that curious go find them. Lol 
My 1st lesson here involved a YOUNGER guy, knowing I was a new-ishly widowed woman.....not having had sex (With an actual person) for A LONG FUCKING TIME.....somehow managed to believe two condoms would be sufficient. 
It was not long after that I discovered the blogs. I can honestly say that is where I found the people I wanted to interact with. Be it sexually or otherwise. I have to have a "connection" with you. That does NOT mean I want to be your new girlfriend or bear your child. OR EVEN BE SEEN IN PUBLIC WITH YOU. It doesn't "MEAN" anything other than if you can't "VERBALLY" stimulate my mind....you have NO CHANCE at any thing else. 
It means you have to "get" me on a mental level. I just can not fuck stupid. Not saying I haven't....just saying my $ isn't being spent on the little gold balls so I can see your "cute little dick pics" (because they aren't cute....sorry) It's not so I can "send you a message". Because I don't and won't.
Now days everyone has Fb. Don't tell Zuckerberg, but the primary reason I pay for that little gold ball is only so I know when someone replies to MY comments on a blog. I WANT TO READ THE NOTIFICATIONS.....BECAUSE your BRAIN is the ONLY thing that is going to attract me to you. Okay maybe not only...but it has to start there. I do not care if you have a Golden Cock (Classic me, I highly recommend looking that one up) or not.....but I need a brain to fuck too. 
Anyway. Its nice to be back blogland. I've really missed you and I could use a friend or two. I'm sure drunken, dramatic, hilarious details of my failures will follow. You have always been my best and favorite therapy. It's humbling to know I still have so many followers after all this time. I really do appreciate it, I will try to do better in the future! Thank you for always "being there" even when I wasn't. {=}
Sorry for all the emoji s. I know they're cheesy as fuck but I really missed them too. Lol
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Don't stop now, judge the fuck away...
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Publié :27/4/2013 1h46
Dernière mise à jour :4/12/2015 12h24 85836 vues
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Mother fuckers I'm on a roll right now.....and yes, I've missed you too. I have not written a word in almost two years and still have watchers? WTF? I would say that would fall under more of a stalker than watcher category, ya think? But whatever. I love you fuckers too. As usual....THANK YOU for giving a shit...even if you're just pretending. (Apparently I react better to 'fake' feelings anyway.)
Yeah, it's been a long fucking while.
If nothing else I've learned, this place was some kick ass therapy. And for fucks sakes....I will ALWAYS need therapy..
I am aware I'm no literary giant by any stretch. There is something with anger AND alcohol that fuels my writing. I HAVE to have BOTH....or I can't (seriously, CAN NOT) do it. I have tried. I've been away because I was happy....for a minute. And by "happy" I mean I didn't want to die, and by "minute" I mean....umm.... I mean minute by fucking minute at the most importune times. Because I believed. I TRIED to believe.
My theory is, if you are here (on this site) you are, for the most part...a realist, a fucking pervert, or a fake (basically it is all the same depending upon your political status....or something) Whatever, I digress.
In my opinion, if you are "here" you have issues. I don't say that in a judgmental type way....it's actually the opposite. Because I am the last person to judge anyone....for ANYTHING. Seriously.
I am "friends" on fb, with a few people I have "met" here ( not necessarily IRL ) I know their "real" names etc....but no matter who it is, I see their screen name here. For example when I read "Kelly's" update there....it is still "Subs". (Kind of, I'm using me for an example...I don't actually think of myself as Subs...sorry I had to spell that out for the fucktards.... in a totally non-judgmental way ) In some ways, I believe more of what I read here from them, because its anonymous. There, sometimes, you have to edit what you say...or face the consequences.
Anyway....that all being said.....
Judge the fuck away....
I got myself into a mess.
A GIANT- oh my fucking gawd how the fuck did she do that - kinda mess....Yes, I know my faithful readers, you are shocked right now. Take a moment. I understand.
Yes if you've read anything I've ever written, it does involve a married dude...(Specifically... read here Could I be a bigger mess toward the end about "the proposition" etc) which technically is not even the biggest issue. The issue is we now work together.... everyday....literally "partners" in a VERY business sense. But more disturbing is his wife and I are now ' f r i e n d s ' ( I'm using the term loosely...thus the spaces) Because my definition of friend, doesn't not allow for what I have done (am doing) to her.
NO I am still not....or will ever be a pinch hitter...I am strictly dickly...ALWAYS!!!
But after the manipulation etc on his part....I have realized how little I know/knew about myself. I have come to realize my whole "honesty, truth, etc" spiel that I thought WAS ME....is one of the biggest lies I've ever told.... to myself included. It turns out, I am one of the best fucking liars I've ever known. I was so busy trying to make sure I didn't get hurt, I protected myself in the worst way possible.
I took prisoners.
How the fuck did that happen.
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9
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Happy Birthday to me.....or something.
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Publié :29/5/2011 7h56
Dernière mise à jour :9/10/2015 2h51 97040 vues
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image
I've always loved the fact my birthday is around Memorial Day weekend. There is always somewhere to go, something to do.
Like for example today (my actual birthday) I'm going to spend....
Cleaning, packing and preparing for my upcoming move. I do like to walk on the wild side ya know.
No, this post is not intended to be a shameless plea for well wishes etc. Actually, because it IS my birthday, I said fuck it and am taking a few fucking minutes JUST FOR ME to reflect a little on another (at this time in my life) MORE IMPORTANT date.
June 1st, is my one year blog anniversary. I know I've been neglectfully absent and very non participatory the last few months and it really sucks. But this blog and you all are REALLY very important to me. I truly believe it and you helped save me.
It is a milestone, and I want to do something.
Will it be epic??
More than likely.....not.
It does fall on a Wednesday though. Hmmmm 
I have sooo much to write about. I wish it didn't take so much time and effort for me to piece together my fragmented thought process. I just haven't had the time I need to do it lately. 
So today, I am asking you. What do you WANT to read about...because I can't do it all. And you...my loyal readers (I can't believe I still have 74!!! I FUCKING LOVE YOU ALL!!!) matter to me.
I want to please YOU....I AM submissive ya know. 
I really want to know....why are you still here? Why do you "watch" me and WHAT do you WANT to read about?? What keeps you coming back to me??
I know I joke.
The picture is a perfect example.
But SERIOUSLY.....On this Memorial Day weekend, I want to say thank you to anyone and everyone affiliated with our military. Those currently serving, have in the past or will in the future. To those that have lost someone they love because they made they ultimate sacrifice. Please, observe a moment of silence at some point today or tomorrow...and remember them. Remember what they gave up....
For us.
For OUR "rights".
For OUR freedom.
For OUR RIGHT to the FREEDOM OF SPEECH.
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11
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Does this pole make me look fat????
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Publié :17/4/2011 11h43
Dernière mise à jour :28/9/2015 2h03 142604 vues
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I have some serious shit to write about later. My next post will NOT be pretty. Consider this your warning.
But in the mean time, I really fucking need to laugh....so I thought I would share this.
I am about a month away from turning 38 and I still haven't decided what I want to be when I grow up.
Well actually, I hadn't decided until last night.
Mostly because I never even knew it was an occupation.
Not only is it an occupation, they fucking to TRAVEL all over to do it!?!?!
I am so fucking stoked!!! The best part is I'm already qualified with 20+ yrs of experience and I've even traveled to do it!
My new title:
Subs
Pole inspector -
Because Pole Failure Is Not An Option
Tell me blogland, did you miss career day in high school too? Have you ever said...."If I only knew then, what I know now??"
Btw- I'm now playing somewhere else too. Don't worry I'm keeping the 'good' stuff here!
Boomer!!
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Winning??? Losing!!! Who the fuck cares......
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Publié :15/3/2011 1h43
Dernière mise à jour :17/1/2017 12h38 148983 vues
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So Charlie Sheen is a coked up, drunk, polygamist (Yes I KNOW he is NOT married to them!!!) nut job?? He is also a fucking miracle!!! Seriously.
Do you know how many coked up, drunk, polygamist nut jobs there are in the world?? Fucking ass loads....that is PRECISELY how many. (Not really sure about the actual count of an ass load....however I do know, it is BIG.) Butt.... (Ha...I fucking kill me)....
Do you know how many coked up, drunk, polygamist nut jobs there are in the world that actually have an entirely different class/order/family/genus/species' BLOOD running through their veins???
One.
Just fucking one.
Charlie Sheen. Omfg......
He is a TOTAL miracle!!!
Yes, by miracle, of course I fucking mean train wreck....like there's any other kind?!?
We ALL come into this world naked, we all die alone (unless some psychotic mother fucker succeeds in taking you out with him)....it is what happens in between that counts. And NO, freak.....hope doesn't fucking float. But some turds do. FACT.
My point is...
It is who's fucking problem... how? Actually that is a lie, that isn't my point. That was the topic of discussion, with a totally (kinda) unrelated comment, that lead to me writing this.
"Park your judgment at the door & enjoy every minute...It's not a rehearsal, you know?" ~ Charlie Sheen
If you really want to waste the SMALL amount of time you DO have, on your high horse, pointing and judging....then by all means knock yourself out. (Seriously....please do. Otherwise I will GLADLY do it for you. I promise) 
Yes, our dear, sweet, funny, hot, horny, crazy (OMFG??? My chances at fucking the shit out of him have SO drastically improved now...YAY ME!!!) Charlie. HAS fucking issues. Gifuckingnormous ones. Another fact. No one will argue with that.... of course except him.
Ha!! And I know you will all LOVE this and be totally shocked that this is NOT a novel....
To be continued with a pending rant.
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20
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Could I be a bigger mess?
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Publié :28/2/2011 10h29
Dernière mise à jour :27/4/2013 1h50 146122 vues
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I have a program I use for almost everything. Originally I started using it for blogging but it has since become my virtual memory. It is called 'evernote'. The user can create an endless amount of notebooks within the program, with an endless amount of files within each notebook. I obviously recommend it but the reason I bring it up is to tell you about one of my notebooks. The notebook title is 'blog - ideas', it currently contains 114 files including this one. If I actually finish and post this, it will be moved to my 'blog - posted' notebook.
I have many reasons to bring up that notebook. I'll try not to make this another novel and be as brief as possible.
I am sooo NOT a writer. This shit is hard for me. Mostly because actually expressing (admitting) feelings are so hard for me. Not too mention the fact that my thoughts are so fragmented. Everything I write, no matter the topic takes hours to finish. Many of the files in my 'ideas' notebook are just a few sentences long. Some are much longer but because of the way I write it is scattered. I write anything and everything that comes to mind at the moment.
Perfect example of my fragmented thoughts/writing process from one of my 'notes' (keep in mind these are all "as is" and very UNFINISHED:
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Am I in the twilight zone or is all this stupid just starting to rub off on me?
10/5/2010 5:05pm
Patience is a virtue.
Wow....I'm am starting to think the universe is just tempting me to go postal? I don't know what the deal is
Are people just fucking with me lately to see
You ever feel like someone/something is just fucking with you? I'm there right now
Considering this is a sleazy sex site, like many I'm not expecting to find a plethora
Patience is the state of endurance under difficult circumstances, which can mean persevering in the face of delay or provocation without acting on annoyance/anger in a negative way; or exhibiting forbearance when under strain, especially when faced with longer-term difficulties.
A virtue is a trait or quality deemed to be morally excellent and thus is valued as a foundation of principle and good moral being.
Personal virtues are characteristics valued as promoting individual and collective well being. The opposite of virtue is vice.
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That is seriously how most of my posts start. It's like a fucking puzzle. It is work even for me to figure out wtf I'm trying to say. Not to mention I've had A LOT of shit going on the last month. The following is the last post I attempted to write....and is unfinished. (Shit has gotten WAY worse since then!?!)
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I think I'm done??
Feb 8, 2011 11:56am
I haven't decided yet on what/how much I'm done with. With the site totally? Blogging? Life, or hope of ever having a real one? I don't fucking know.....I just know somethings gotta give.
On the spectrum of:
Broken/lost/numb~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Alive/happy/hopeful
I'm so far out in left field right now, I'm not sure a gps could find my fat ass.
I've made so many friends here that have tried reaching out to me and I keep pushing them away?? (You know who you are ..... K, G, P, B, & T....I really do appreciate and am thankful for you all!) Wtf is wrong with me?? Why would I do that?? Why am I turning away when I need people the most? Even from those that love me. Hell my head is so fucked up right now I can't even accept the fact that people do actually love me....because OMFG.....what is wrong with THEM!?!
I have this wall up, it protects me ya know? It's my cast-iron bitch personae, which btw is NOT just limited to afff. (Which I guess is why I have claimed that I'm 'real' here. But it turns out I'm not, I'm just fake EVERYFUCKINGWHERE) It is with me everywhere, 24/7. If I don't let anyone in....I can't get hurt. But fuck me all to hell if I didn't let people in. I guess that is what I was REALLY trying to say in: I can39t be real anymorecan I. I can't spill my guts here, get to know people and then be surprised to see people on my side of the wall. NG told me not long after we first started talking "You try so hard to come off as crass decorated with rough edges, but you have such a soft warm center under that."
WTF??? No one is supposed to see that!!!
I put so much of myself into this thing.....so much of my life and what I've been through. These 'stories' are what made me who I am. (Thankfully I am creative enough to add some fucking humor to it, which for the record is what totally killed the sponsorship deal I had lined up with Prozac)
Because of the shit I've been through in my life. Always having to prove myself and never being enough for anyone....from birth. I have no self confidence or self esteem. Rejection fucking terrifies me. My therapist says I have abandonment issues. Ya fuckin think???? I have a pattern of pushing people away before I can get hurt.
Self sabotage??
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So I was already going through all of that and then there was Busty's awards. NEWSFLASH Waitwut At first it was cool to be nominated, especially in so many different categories... 7 or 8 I think? Then the more I thought about it, the more it freaked me out. Even though really only ONE category I was nominated for meant something to me, and I WANTED to win. That was the 'best stories' category. To me that was the ultimate validation. Even though I started writing for me, it meant so much to know that something good could come out of my stories (aka my pain....my life). Unfortunately Busty forgot to include me in that one for voting. All the other nominations, including best female blog ...are in my opinion just so unfounded I can't even comprehend them.
It made me feel like people had expectations now. I know I don't post regularly but I'm not going to post....just to post. I write when I NEED to....IF I have something to say. I'm not knocking anyone that does otherwise. But this is MY blog and that is how I do things.
Ok enough of that.... here is the cliff notes version of why I have been nothing more then a troll this month. For the record, it is really hard to be motivated to spend the time it takes me.....to write about fucking depressing shit. But here is the rest of the story........well believe it or not PART of the rest of the story.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was already seriously feeling like I was gonna lose it (thus 'I think I'm done' ) then:
My 14 yr old son broke his collarbone wrestling, had to have surgery and have a metal plate and six screws put in. Everything start to finish ended up taking more than twice as long as planned. He went in at 7:30 am I didn't get to see him until after 12pm. For a surgery that was scheduled 1 hour and 20 mins. I spent the whole time scared and pissed off at Danny for making me go through that alone. Then I really freaked out when I found out they hadn't been able to get his pain under control. They had been giving him 1mg of morphine every FIVE FUCKING MINUTES on TOP of the fentanyl....the same thing that killed Danny. I actually had to leave the recovery room to pull myself together....
Then I find out from my mom's (not one of my favorite people btw) doctor (psychiatrist) that she was suicidal and had a loaded gun in her apartment....which happens to be located in the basement of my house. The same house my fucking husband died in. And this doctor wants ME to confiscate the gun.....fucking seriously??? It would have been her or me....no joke. Thankfully I have family in law enforcement and they came and got it before I could use it on her....or me....in front of her. Because yes I really hate her that much.
Then my sis in law tries to set me up with a friend of hers. Nice guy really, actually bought/financed her business for her. He's been married for like 20ish yrs and unhappy for almost all them. He won't leave her because he has money and doesn't want her to get half his shit. He actually propositioned me. Long term....idk, short term we were both so drunk I still didn't get laid. (According to my sis in law, it was not for lack of trying.) I do remember calling her the next day and asking if I really had my pants off in the back seat of her car. As the designated driver, she was able to confirm I in fact did. On the bright side, after 5 months of celibacy it REALLY would've pissed me off to find out I actually had sex and just didn't remember it.
And the grand finale....my mother in law Bette (I wrote about her last July WhateverFUCK IT ALL ) Her cancer is back and is inoperable this time. Same oncologist as Danny's step mom Pam had....he gave her 18 months and she was dead in 6.
Two women that have been more of a mom to me then mine ever thought of being dead/dying not wanting too. And my selfish ass mom.....KNOWING how much I've been through wants to add too it because I don't pay enough attention to her. Because it is ALWAYS about her.........FUCKING ALWAYS.
Oh and I've lost over 10% of my blog followers, probably because I haven't posted anything since the beginning of the month. I think I need some bling that says please kick me while I'm down. At least then I would feel like there was a reason.....
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Yeah, I'm kinda nervous about this one.....
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Publié :5/2/2011 9h23
Dernière mise à jour :17/2/2011 22h37 112646 vues
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I don't know about you blogland, but I am pretty fucking pissed off that the 'horny guy' (not using his actual handle now because.....well you'll see why.) was so disrespectful.
He had an ENTIRE DAY in blogland devoted to him. So many posts in his honor.....there is a effin INDEX [post 2543342]!!!
I rewrote a SONG for him I can not even tell you how many times I had to listen to the gawd awful thing!!! 
It isn't like he was sick, or had to work, was getting laid, or just wasn't fucking online. HE WAS HERE!!!! Between Feb 1st - 4th, the horndog has left a whopping 91 fucking comments. NINETYfuckingONE....seriously?? (Give or take a couple, I was kinda wasted when I counted them) But he couldn't be bothered to even acknowledge ONE blogger that wasted their time 'honoring' his 'legend'?? If that isn't one of the douchiest things EVER....I don't know what is.
The more I thought about it, the more it pissed me off. Yes I do have more important shit I could be pissed off about but none of it has a solution anywhere near as amusing (to me) as this does. He says he would love to chat, but it never happens. Well I would LOVE TO FUCK!!! But that isn't happening either. So I believe that officially makes me the "anti-horny" (Fyi- I am totally horny, I just apparently don't put out....or something??)
However gawd forbid I ruin my stellar ( ) reputation on THIS blog/profile. So I did it blogland....I created a 'fake' profile. OMG...I'M A TROLL NOW?? (Note I may be slime....but at least I'm STILL honest!!) I have decided to make it my mission to become the female version of the horny one. Only better (I guess that is redundant, I covered that when I said 'female' huh? lol!)
1) I will not discriminate based on sex, size or shape.
2) I will become a 'watcher' of every blog I visit.
3) I will never visit any blog more then once.
To put this daunting challenge in perspective I rounded off the numbers. His horniness has been a member for 39 months and left 26,000 comments. Oddly enough, that breaks down to 666.666667 comments per month. (Fuck me....is he the Antichrist???) Which then breaks down to 22.2222222 comments per day. My goal is to annihilate the legend that is horny....which will eventually culminate in horn-aggedon. No, I have no fucking clue what that means...... yet.
What I do know, is this:
My alter-ego AND I will need cheerleaders. I will need them strictly for cheering, however she will probably need them for cheering and fucking....cuz damn according to her profile, she's a ho!!!
Testimonials on her profile and comments on her blog will definitely help in the cheering category.
A math whiz that would like to calculate all the nerd shit (including percentage of blogs visited using 507,963 as the total number of blogs for all calculations)
And fucking whatever else anyone can think of.
So without further , I present to you the Anti-horny:
[blog idontchatifuck]
**Update- Ok, I may be in over my head already. Day one, 55 posts took me almost an hour. I didn't even read anything!! I just clicked all the links in the index post, pasted, hit post, hit watch blog, then moved on to the next. The plan was for this to be amusing...I can already see that wearing off QUICK!! 
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Oh Horny you're so fine, you're so fine you blow my.......
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Publié :2/2/2011 15h12
Dernière mise à jour :3/5/2012 17h54 113182 vues
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Happy International Horny Day everyone!!!
If you have no idea what this is all about then I suggested you head over to
MollyBoston 's blog and read: [post 2538338]
If you were comatose in the 80's and don't know who Toni Basil is and/or her song "Mickey" you might want to head over to that U-tube place and check that out before you continue. Or don't...whatever.
And now.... this one's for you horny196364
(Repeat X3)
Oh Horny, you're online
If You're online cum blow my mind
Hey Horny, hey Horny!!
Hey Horny
You've been around for years
And that's a little long.
You say you'd love to chat,
But I think you've got it wrong.
Why can't you come say hi
SO WE CAN GET IT ON, HORNY??
Cuz when you say you will
It seems to mean you won't.
You're leaving me in tears
Baby please baby don't!!
Ev'ry night you still
Leave me all alone Horny?
Oh Horny
It's a really shitty thing you do.
To get me all worked up
like you haven't got a clue.
Oh Horny
You are such a legend in this zoo.
It's guys like you Horny,
Ooh what to do Horny
......Do Horny
Don't tease my twat Horny!!
Hey Horny!
You say you wanna chat,
you know where I am
Just tell me what you want
and I'll do it on web cam
I'm so wet and ready
You aren't the onlyfuckingone
that's Horny!
So come on and give it to me
Everyway you can
Anyway you wanna do me
I'll take it like a man.
But please, baby please
Don't blow smoke up my ass Horny!!
Oh Horny,
It's a really shitty thing you do
To get me all worked up like you haven't got a clue
Oh Horny,
You are such a legend in this zoo.
It's guys like you Horny
Ooh what to do Horny
......Do Horny
Don't tease my twat Horny!!
Oh Horny, you're online
If You're online cum blow my mind
Hey Horny, hey Horny
Oh Horny, you're online
If You're online cum blow my mind
Hey Horny, hey Horny
Oh Horny, you're online
If You're online cum blow my mind
Hey Horny!
Oh Horny,
It's a really shitty thing you do
To get me all worked up like you haven't got a clue
Oh Horny,
You are such a legend in this zoo.
It's guys like you Horny
Ooh what to do Horny
......Do Horny
Don't tease my twat Horny!!
(Repeat to fade)
Yeah so, ummmm.....
What do you have to say for yourself now horny196364???
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And now, back to our regularly scheduled program....
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Publié :27/1/2011 18h50
Dernière mise à jour :19/2/2013 21h14 150290 vues
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You know, I really do love blogland. The 'community', friends I've made, bonding, giving others recognition....props etc. But lately I have been totally getting too fucking SOFT!! And my dear blogland.....'soft' on sexsite is just UNACCEPTABLE!!! It may be ok for the geriatric blogs down the hall ....but NOT flippin here! NOT on my watch damn it!!
Examples with what the titles should have been:
I want everyone to win
My beautiful human nominations
Can t we all just get along
Pinky Swear
Jesus Loves Me
It was just pure luck that I came up with the solution. (with some inspiration) Weeks ago, while literally agonizing over my nominations for 's awards. I went through my ENTIRE watch list...which is two pages long. Needless to say I don't visit all of them regularly....rarely do I ever make it past the few that show up on my main page. Anyway I made it to SooooHorny's blog. He has been on my watch list from the beginning as he was the 1st person to comment on my very 1st blog post. (Well technically he was 2nd if you count horny196364 ......which I don't)
I read [post 2449445] it was pure genius!! FUCKING BINGO!!!!! That has been my problem!!! I have been doing entirely too much blogging when sober!
This is MY deal....I vent, rant or crack myself the fuck up. That is the point of THIS BLOG......it is FOR ME. My amusement, therapy, creative punctuation experiments.... whatever. I have been straying from that lately. OMFG!!! Apparently lack of sex makes Subs all fucking mushy and shit? FUCK THAT!!! I've decided to deal with it in a responsible adult manner....
NO MORE sober blogging for me!!!
This plan does not come without issues though. But since I am a professional procrastinator....fuck it....I'll worry about that shit later.
As soon as I can get someone to make me some decent Jack Daniels and Jose Cuervo (Fuck off.....if you're buying I'll drink Patron) bling, I will be adding it to my signature along with this disclaimer. (Pretend this bling is NOT tacky -------> ) **I'm sorry if this blog post or comment is incredibly boring or relevant ....Subs is currently sober.**
Yes that may seem backwards, but I have a better chance of remembering to use the asterisk this way. If I'm drunk I really won't give a shit will I??
OMG....That just reminded me, when making my nominations for Busty's awards there were a couple special categories I forgot to add!! So I want to apologize to Dirtygirl411 !! You were my choice for "Blogger with a liver that may actually be more fucked up than mine" and "Only person on the planet I would not challenge to a drinking contest".
I felt so bad I decided to buy a bottle of Fireball in your honor. I have not cracked it open yet because I felt it would be disrespectful of me to not seek advise from the Goddess herself first. So can you give me the 411 on the magic that is Fireball?? Chilled, on the rocks, shots, straight out of the bottle.... or just mainline the shit??
I think Fireball may be the perfect way for me to kick off my drunk blogging experiment. Maybe for my 100th post..... a live, drunk blogging, cam show!!! Settle down pervs, IF it happens, this bitch will be fully clothed. I've said it before, you wanna see me naked....you are just gonna have to fuck me. I know, I'm too fucking old fashioned huh?? Whatever....I won't get naked on cam but if your lucky....I might puke for you. HOW FUCKING HAWT IS THAT???
Yes I have used the following picture before but I added a new caption....it was just too perfect. Me with a shot called 'brass balls' in my hand, two Jack & diets in front of me, (note the cute little penis straw in one, I ordered them tall because I was pacing myself LMAO- true story!) wearing a crown o' cocks. Seriously...this is sooo fucking totally me it should be my passport photo.
So tell me what you think pervs?? Have you ever done it, what happened? Tell me about it here, then go vote yay or nay on drunk blogging....
To be or not to be
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NEWSFLASH!!! Wait............wut???
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Publié :20/1/2011 15h03
Dernière mise à jour :1/3/2011 5h42 117828 vues
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Did you know......
1) I am a giant procrastinator
2) I am a perfectionist
3) I suck at decisions (Packing to go anywhere IS HELL for me)
4) I am almost ALWAYS late/behind schedule because of 1 -3
On the plus side
5) I am honest even when it makes me look like a total fuckstick.
That being said (Insert red scrolling 'breaking fucking news' banner here)....
It is time for 's Annual Busty Golden Globe Awards.
Although I printed the categories and had them sitting next to my laptop weeks ago.......well yeah you get the point. (Fyi- Half the categories are still blank, the other half contain anywhere from 2-8 names) Thankfully Busty fucking rocks and she is still going to take my nominations. (because my opinion matters, or something??) Well at least the ones that have not been posted for voting yet.....that I have decided on...... and was able to narrow to less than 5 names per category.
If I have nominated you for any category AND you haven't signed [post 1108166] Then go do it now or she will NOT include you for voting. I will keep this updated with voting links as they become available. Not because she needs my help, I'm just trying to pretend I'm really not a slacker.
I really want to thank everyone that nominated me in the following categories:
Female Best All Around Blog
Best Stories in a Female Blog 
Sassiest Female Blogger
Sweetest Female Blogger
*Side note* I really appreciate the snub for the "Most likely to never getfuckinglaid again" and "Christfuck her life sucks ass" categories. (I am choosing to ignore the fact that as such, those categories are no longer required) I have so much more hope now....or something?
In all seriousness, I am truly humbled and thankful for you all.  You guys totally made me cry........ for a minute!! Then I realized you fuckers are actually crazier than me.  I've been LMFAO since!
Now on to my nominations. I'm going only going to put the first two here to save some room. The rest are inside as comments. Please know most were really difficult for me because I didn't want to leave anyone one out. So if you don't see your name on my list it is because YOU were my choice for one that is already being voted on. 
I am nominating for ALL male categories so he has nothing to bitch at me about.
However I am also nominating Dice aka FATbanger69 for ALL male categories as well.
This way Ben will still have something to bitch about ......but at least I will be really fucking amused at the same time. 
Good Luck to Everyone!!
Voting is now open for:
Jan 17, 2011
Sexiest Male Body
most beautiful female
most handsome male
best male poetry
Jan 19, 2011
best eyes on a female
best hair or no hair on a male
best hair on a female
best hair on a femalepart 2
Jan 20, 2011
best lips on a female
best lips on a femalepart 2
best eyes on a male
To be continued.....
*********************************UPDATE*********************************
has asked me to help her announce some of the winners. Make sure to check back here on February 24th for results!!
Jan 21, 2011
best mouth on a male
cutest nose on a female
sexiest male nose
most beautiful face on a femalepart one
*most beautiful face on a femalepart two
most beautiful face on a femalepart three
most handsome face on a male
most handsome face on a malepart 2
most handsome face on a malepart 3
sexiest female bod
sexiest female bod part 2
sexiest male bod
sexiest male bodpoll 2
best female rack
best female rackpart 2
best female rackpart 3
sexiest male chest
sexiest male chest (Double post??)
sexiest male chest part two
sexiest male chest part three
prettiest female hands
sexiest female back
sexiest male back
To be continued.....
Jan 22, 2011
sexiest female back
sexiest female stomach
[post 2533642]
[post 2533650]
best stories male or female
craziest female blogger
[post 2533668]
To be continued.....
*********************************UPDATE*********************************
Jan 23, 2011
best female poetry
craziest male blogger
most FUCKABLE female
most FUCKABLE femalepart 2
* most FUCKABLE femalepart 3
To be continued.....
*********************************UPDATE*********************************
Jan 24, 2011
[post 2535065]
MOST FUCKABLE MANPART TWO
MOST FUCKABLE MANpart 3
[post 2535084]
[post 2535089]
*[post 2535094]
[post 2535451]
sexiest all around photosfemale
[post 2535469]
sweetest blogger male
sweetest male blogger poll 2
Jan 25, 2011
*sassiest female
best penis pic
[post 2535711]
most intellectual newsworthy blogmale or fem
[post 2535904]
[post 2535916]
*[post 2536391]
[post 2536417]
[post 2536429]
To be continued.....
Jan 26, 2011
[post 2536849]
[post 2536852]
[post 2536861]
[post 2536873]
[post 2536877]
* [post 2536883]
[post 2537026]
[post 2537035]
[post 2537043]
[post 2537052]
[post 2537063]
[post 2537068]
[post 2537071]
* [post 2537073]
[post 2537078]
[post 2537090]
*********************************UPDATE*********************************
Jan 27, 2011
[post 2538522]
[post 2538530]
* [post 2538537]
[post 2538540]
[post 2538550]
[post 2538558]
THE MOST TALENTED BLOGGER
most respected blogger
the blog with alittle bit for everyone
[post 2538588]
[post 2538595]
most fuckable malepoll 4
MOST FUCKABE FEMALEPOLL 4
MOST FUCKABLE FEMALE POLL 5
HOTTIE AWARD
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