this is not my writing
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Publié :10/8/2013 5h07
Dernière mise à jour :5/3/2016 9h17 8830 vues
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This is not my writing but more my thoughts then many things I have wrote myself and needed to be shared.
Author unknown
You want to come, don't you?
Use me.
Twist your fingers through my hair, drag my head down, force my throat onto your cock. You don't have to tell me to open. You don't have to say anything at all. I know what my mouth is for.
Push me onto my back. Watch how my legs spread in eager reflex even before I finish turning. Stretch them farther, until they're just the angle you like. Thrust in while my cunt is still tight and dry. It doesn't matter. It will be wet soon enough. That's reflex, too: a sex toy, operating as designed.
Can you hear me whimpering now? Too quiet? Dig your thumbs into the pressure points on my thighs, twist my nipples between your fingers, sink your teeth into my shoulder. Too loud? Wrap your hand around my throat, press your palm against my mouth, hold a pillow over my head. Set the volume as you like it.
Pull out while I'm still moaning and flip me over. Ignore the way I rub my cunt against the sheets, halfway to the edge but nowhere near close enough. Squeeze out lube and let it drip, cold, down my ass. Work a finger in; work in two. Feel me push back against you, forcing myself open, hastening the process. This is what I'm made for, after all.
Listen to the whine I make when you pull your fingers out, suddenly and sadly empty. Drive your cock in to fill the hole, and hear the sound change to a gasp. Am I screaming, now? Easy enough to silence, if you care to. Press my head down into the bed and fuck me harder.
It doesn't matter if my legs are trembling. You can hold them open. It doesn't matter if my arms collapse. You can pull me up again. It doesn't matter if I come. All that matters is the way your cock feels--clenched tight by my throat, by my cunt, by my ass. Choose any hole you like. Set any rhythm you want. Let me be the object you slide into, the tool you use to seek release.
I know you can be gentle. I know you can be playful. I know you can tease me, taunt me, bring me to orgasm again and again. I know the way your body feels under me when I ride you; I know the way your lips feel, pressed against mine.
There's a time for all of that. But set it aside. Forget that I'm a friend, a lover, a person. Remember only this:
You want to come.
Use me.
Let me know your thoughts on this lovely peice of work
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Who am I
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Publié :12/7/2013 14h21
Dernière mise à jour :5/3/2016 9h17 8580 vues
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I am a Submissive with out a Dom
A Masochist with out a sadiest to bring me balance
A Ployamorous single. ( Lol)
A deviant living in the realm of naivety
I am a host of contradictions..
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WHAT IS passion TO YOU?
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Publié :1/6/2013 13h15
Dernière mise à jour :23/6/2013 22h32 9231 vues
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passion admittedly is about sex.
It has cams and videos for exhibitionists and voyeurs alike
It has groups to hook you up with the local Gang bang...But it also has social venues and other more tame options.
The site was originally set up for couples looking for a add on. Some of those couples are swingers, some are polyamerous, and the majority are just curious looking to spice up there love life.
But even in the swinger realm (which I define as speed dating with sex. lol) most of them still need to find a connection before they will hook up- or allow there significant other to hook up with just anyone.
Yes it is a site you can find a common hook up, a gang bangs or other planned sexual activates. It is full of hookers, both male and female. Cam Cons and just plain old fashion gold diggers.
But there are a host of others just looking to explore safely, discreetly. Or those like me that see this as any other dating site but that it address right up front the number 1 issue in every relationship sex, desire and kinks.
Maybe I am the one that is wrong, but I get enough emails from single men and couples that tell me that I’m probably not.
So what is passion for you?
And if it is about just getting laid having a 1 and done why waste your time here when there are hookers for that?
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to get over 1, you got to get under another
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Publié :19/5/2013 8h26
Dernière mise à jour :2/6/2013 8h01 9697 vues
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Dreams, Dreams and more Dreams.
Between the insomnia and the crazy sex dreams I am having is it a wonder that I feel like a walking zombie.
Started with a crazy 1 with my Ex husband. Now anyone who has read my blog from the beginning or has even read my profile to completion knows that Sex with My Ex was rare enough in and of its self, (in fact at the end there we had been on a two yr run without contact when I finally said enough’s, enough.)
So why the dream?
My M was in that 1 too in fact (though in a very PC role) he has made his appearance in a few of these dreams, of late. And he called Friday and hinted we should get together.
But back on track
Stranger still the Ex was in a bondage situation where he was the one bound.
Now I'm the 1 that started exploring BDSM, so again very weird, as when he found out(by hacking my email) he completely lost it and I have been a slut ever since.
Sadly what all of these dreams have in common is that they are not happy sex dreams, but strange metaphoric dreams. They leave me unsatisfied and feeling lost and alone.
Oh well where is my psycho analyst.
So to catch up..
I have been completely celibate for a little over 2 months.
I have stuck to my guns and have cut the ties with JJ. Though this has not been easy for me. Little things pull me in and set my mind in motion thinking about him. a Scent, a Song, the time of Day... lol
I have decided the best way to get over him is to get under someone else..
But as of yet have found no prospects.
Playboy and I are over as lovers since the jackal. Oh we text every now and then, but neither of us seem to desire to see the other.
Sadly because of this I never coordinated his birthday celebration! I lined up 7 very beautiful and diverse women for him for the night. Their job to pleasure him in every way possible.
This was first planned as an event for My M (though My M could never have handled 7 women) and Playboy took quite an interest to the subject so I promised him a night he would never forget..
This is 1 of my fantasies you see.. To watch the man I care for pleasured in every describable way possible.
So sad.. That it seems to be 1 that will never be satisfied.
Mr. Sensual and I haven't spoke in months, the last time I saw him was in January. I think he must have gotten himself in a relationship. And if so.. Good for him, though I miss his texts and the way he lifts my spirits.
Dom and I had a date planned but the universe keeps intervening there. Between kids, cars and work schedules, it seems we are not meant to proceed with finding him a new submissive.
I on the other hand have found a dominate attraction though it will never be acted on. I have encountered him at a couple events but cannot bring myself to engage him in conversation. This is where my shyness and insecurity truly suck. lol
And of course the emails through here still come in.
Though can I say they, and the profiles of late are less than desirable.
Hay baby how you doing? Is not a way to engage me and get me to respond nor is the 1 sentence profile that goes along with it. Come on guys if you are assuming that a cock picture alone is going to attract us you are destined to spend many a lonely night.
And obviously so am I...
Well it is to be a beautiful day outside and I for 1 am going to enjoy it for all it's worth (my skin could use a little sunshine glow) so I am off to see what trouble I can find myself in.
Wish me luck 
Who knows maybe I can find that man to get under...
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The Purge
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Publié :26/4/2013 15h44
Dernière mise à jour :15/5/2013 5h58 10325 vues
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Ok.. so was hanging out talking to some friends about a movie coming out. The Purge.
Basically the premise of this movie is that for 12 hrs, there is no law. There are no retributions.
For 12 hrs you can do what ever you want.
What would you do?
I've put a great deal of thought into this and honestly look forward to seeing the movie and how they Handel some of the questions that entered my mind.
But I'm always interested in other peoples prospective
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Seeing what the Day brings
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Publié :24/4/2013 14h23
Dernière mise à jour :23/6/2013 22h18 9963 vues
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Off Work early today. Love it..
Only draw back is that the 1st thing through my mind was to contact JJ..
It's his Day off and so obviously my first thought was to see if he wanted to go hit the hot tub and spend the day having great sex.
I stuck to my guns and didn't contact him but it sucks
Yes I could still follow through with my plan and I'm sure there would be others willing to accommodate my sexual need, but it's not the same, and not my style to do that.
I have been thinking a great deal about a responses I received in Dominance pull. It has made me question why I am so drawn to JJ.
I have other FWB, that have never effected me this way.
1) I think the way JJ and I started off set the tone of my feelings we did not approach things as just being friends with benefits he approached me as wanting a girl friend and to date exclusively. Then he changed the game plan.
2. Though I would not call him a Dom he does have the Characteristics and the makings of one if he chose. Also Many of the ways he addressed me put me in that submissive mode and pushed my boundaries.
Strangely it seems while I have been quite content with only FWB situations with Sexual partners.In the back of my mind while seeking out a Dom I have thought of this as more of a LTR with potential for substance.
I will definitely have to think about this.
But not today. It is beautiful outside, and if I can't spend it with the one I want, at last I can get out and soak up some rays and enjoy th fresh air. So I'm heading up the mountain to evergreen lake, one of my favorite spots to just enjoy some time alone; without screaming kids or work demands. Then maybe a burger and a beer at the little bear and catch some good live music.
Who knows what the day and night will bring my way, right?  I may be doing it alone, and because of that it is less fun. But i can still do it!
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Things to resolve
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Publié :20/4/2013 19h24
Dernière mise à jour :11/5/2024 2h53 9741 vues
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Any one who knows me or has even read my entries, should know a few basic things about me.
1. the biggest sin to me is to lie! untruths,half truths, omissions. They all come down to a lie.
Don't make excuses that you were trying to save my feelings.. I don't care. Honesty to me is a gift, I will knowingly admit I may not like what you have to say, it may even hurt me on some level.. But I will respect you for it.
And more then that you are showing me respect and true regard by giving me the truth in place of a lie.
2. Trust- seems elementary but once it is broken it is so hard to repair.
But more importantly giving me your trust and knowing that I will not betray it.
I am someone who does not trust easy, because I tend to put my trust in the wrong people.Lol
But I am not a betrayer, of all my faults the one thing I can say about myself is that once you have come into my life, that I have opened my heart to you I can be the most trusted friend you will ever have.
So you can see where your lack of trust in me may cause me pain.
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The Dominance Pull
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Publié :20/4/2013 19h03
Dernière mise à jour :24/4/2013 13h48 10287 vues
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I have not been with a Dom for almost 2 years.
I have been approached; I have had a few try to recruit me so to speak.
But though they claim dominance, say they are masters, have had years in the life style. I look on them and have never felt the pull of their dominance effect me.
It is this above all that has made me doubt my submission though anyone meeting me would probably identify me as such...
Though I jokingly say I am a feisty submissive or rebellious submissive.
I have lost all heart.
3 yrs ago I found a piece of myself; I claimed a piece of my sexual identity. Those around me didn't understand it, I didn't understand it myself and most days still don't, to lose that gift of release, of balance above all, has been a hard thing.
I was assured by those around me that if I gave myself time to learn, that what I desired would find me.
But my 2 yr mark is coming and it has not happened.
I have stumbled on this part of my journey because without that balance I have also lost my ability to learn and grow.
Oh I have gone to a few Munches, a few parties, and classes. But when you walk in alone, unclaimed, it is a difficulty to establish true report and mentorship or to find those willing to offer such (as there is no return for them so why should they bother. Lol)
I tell myself that I should be proud that I have not compromised myself.
I have not given myself out of loneliness to others who I knew could not be the DOM that I deserve.
Even though there have been moments I thought that perhaps given the time I would feel the pull of Dominance eventually. But for me this would be a selfish act, because by not feeling that pull how could I ever truly be the submissive that they desired.
No it is much better to stand in the shadow with desires on my lips, then to falsely speak them to others who I could hurt with my attempts at self deception
I'm floundering, and I truly at this point don't know how to correct it.
So if anyone out there has words of advice? Wisdom to share?
At this point I am open to all.
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Bra's and panties oh my
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Publié :16/4/2013 17h34
Dernière mise à jour :25/4/2013 17h35 10378 vues
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So today all my pretty things came in.
A few weeks back I splurged and bought new bras and underwear.
Sounds funny I know..
JJ and I had been sending pictures a lot. He liked to see me get dressed in the morning or have me do a quick photo from work in my bra and underwear ect.. You get the picture( no pun intended)
So I was tired of only having so many sexy things to show him. He's a breast man and though he loved my black bra's, and sexy panties I thought I would surprise him with a little color and style variety.
As my profile states I'm pretty big chested, so finding bras that fit me and that are actually attractive and don't look like something my grandma would wear is a chore. But I found a place a few years back in london( Bracvissimo's) that could handle my 42 KK at the time and more reasonable then the $120 I was paying here in the states for the grandma bras. Lol
Today it's easier as I am only a 38 II, but I still wanted something pretty so got me 5 sets of varying colors.
So sad because now that they have come in no body to show them off to. and I spend a pretty penny to..
I think I am going through exhibitionist with drawl.( if there is such a thing)
The pictures and video's, the risk, it all became a part of my routine. I had fantasy's of sexual encounters at both my work and his, that now will never take place.
For a girl that is very body conscious it was liberating, because he always wanted to see me and though I was shy at times his response always made me feel sexy.
It's only been a few days since we stopped talking but it's hard and I miss it and him. Not only the play and the risk but on days like today when the weather is bad I worry if he made it home from work ok. And think about what it felt like curled up next to him the last time we had a big storm( and the wonderful night of fun we had)that left me exhausted and sleeping so soundly in his arms.
I will get through this I know, but damn I wish it wasn't this way.
That today I was playing dress up and taking pictures for his eyes only.
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musing
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Publié :13/4/2013 13h41
Dernière mise à jour :11/5/2024 2h53 9835 vues
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The scent of you surrounds me,
it in cases me, and brings back all those old feelings.
I will miss your touch..
the taste of your lips.
the feel of your breath against my skin.
I will Miss your eyes that hold so much pain and emotion.
I will fantasize about those moments, when your smile lit up the room and your laugh became the most beautiful sound I had heard.
oh how I will Miss you my friend, my lover
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All things come to a end
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Publié :13/4/2013 13h33
Dernière mise à jour :11/5/2024 2h53 9895 vues
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I find it ironic that we as human beings tend to gravitate and create the situations that we are trying so hard to stay away from.
I myself am not immune to this self sabotage as has been demonstrated over and over this yr with JJ.
Form the first time he disappeared on me I knew and yet I continued on with our game of cat and mouse. I knew that once again I had attracted to me a man that was damaged and emotionally bankrupt. I told myself it didn't matter because I wasn't looking for love or anything long term...
Awh the very naive girl..tried to fool herself that just because she wasn't in love she wouldn't be caught up and still care about his well being.
He's on a track of self destruction by his own admission and there is nothing that I can do to deter him..
I would like to fool myself into believing that his fear of emotional connection, is why he pulls back from me. Because if he doesn't keep the distance he may actually find ..there is something to live for.
In reality I doubt that to be the case.
Though I would probably stick with it until the end and he drowned himself in liquor once and for all. I am letting it go, acknowledging that I have done all I can in this situation.
I have held out my hand and it has been slapped down.
I will miss his pictures, video's.. I will miss most everything about him, but all things come to a end or they destroy you, and as much as I care for him and wish him to find his way. I will not be destroyed by his own self destruction or allow myself to be dragged back into a situation where I am putting others needs before my own.
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contridictions
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Publié :8/4/2013 20h54
Dernière mise à jour :8/4/2013 20h59 10121 vues
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This weekend brought out a lot.
Got a Call early in the week from Playboy.. This of course cheered me because he truly is a love in my life, someones who's friendship I have cherished from the very beginning.So glad to have him back.
Met up with the girls friday night for a kick back evening, and hung with the Aurora Social group on Saturday.
I always tell people that this life has brought me to some of the greatest personalities, this group has 1 man in particular that I am drawn to. He is a bit reserved at times but a joy to be around . He has a smile that is infectious and outlook I treasure. No he and I will never be play partners (because like so many he is married,and I don't do married) but I see a good solid friendship in our future I hope.
Mr. Yummy invited me over Saturday night, and strangely I turned it down in hopes of talking to JJ. which I did.
oh the delema of JJ, so we finally got to the bottom of some of the issues we have going.
He is scared shit less of feeling any thing emotional for me, and that I might feel something for him. His EX like so many, did a number on him.
But as I have explained to him I will not change, it is not in my make up to be a heartless bitch, what he seems to be looking for is a user, someone who will suck him dry emotionally and financially, to cheat and lie, manipulate. I assured him that there are plenty of women just like that here that will gladly expect him to pay there rent,ect..and use him just the way he wants..
But then that is his delema, physiologically he's expecting to find someone just like his EX, it's what he hates, but it's also what he knows.
And then to find me instead, it explains the contradiction in his words and actions. Example: a few weeks back I was confused by his anger at spending the night, he slept like a rock curled around my body like he was afraid I was gonna disappear on him.
But spending the night and being that vulnerable and comfortable is to emotional for him to handle and though I secretly suspect he loves it.. even needs it.. that is what is so scary for him.
I reminded him while he is busy worrying that I might feel for him he's ruining all the fun we can have together. And though I might actually take a interest in his day to day life, his dreams and goals that doesn't mean that I want anything more then to be friends and lover.
It's just who I am to care for those in my life and to do things for them. But I am still not looking for forever.
I'm hoping he can come to grips with his issues and expectations and just enjoy the ride for what it is.. Because we do have a connection and chemistry and a hell of a lot of fun when he can just get past it and go with it.
We will see I suppose, if we can get through these contridictions
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Weekly News
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Publié :22/3/2013 21h10
Dernière mise à jour :2/4/2013 12h51 10179 vues
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Damn this week has been a busy one.
So I'm playing a little bit of catch up here
JJ finally made a appearance back into my life, Last week, ( with a 2 weeks absence)no explanation presented as to his disappearance only a promise that he wouldn't do it again.
Ha.( this is yet to be proved)
The mixed messages with him are crazy. He doesn't want anything to serious, or with romantic attachment. ( all good with me) But then we will have a great day like saturday with long phenomenal conversation and he is asking me to blow off my plans just so we can do the snuggle thing.
This time I didn't do it. I had plans to head to the Rocky Mountain Mardi Gras.
JJ isn't revolving his life around me so I am damned if I am going to drop plans for him( or at least I'm trying not to)
Mardi Gras had it's ups and downs( was a better time then I have had at previous parties)My girl Nay was supposed to go with me and be my dance partner, but at the last minute she bailed so I was solo. Some people look at me and wonder how I can do this and I have to admit it's not easy always being the single girl walking in alone, but it is something I am getting better at and honestly I would prefer to go solo as a single then with a date who was expecting play.
I was actually dreading attending and di come close to caving in and heading over to JJ, as My M started calling me to let me know he was in town and wanted to hook up at the party. This was the first tim I was going to see him with out the wife in the back ground. But even with out her present the gossip mill was still around us. We did have a hour reunion talking and getting reacquainted and it was BITTER SWEET, but not as bad as I had imagined it to be.
All the times I avoided events because I just didn't want to see him and deal with the hurt. I could actually look at him and have my heart not bleed.. and wish him well.
The Jackal was in the house and she made her presence know by planting lies in his ear, damn that girl will do anything to try and cause drama.
My only saving grace is I know in the end she will get all she deserves. I am not the only casualty she has caused and one day someone will give her back all that she has done. Playboy was working so at least wasn't faced with seeing them together. H and I are no longer talking she did all that she set out to do and though it hurts I also don't need anyone in my life who would fall so easily for her lies.
Mr. Yummy was there, we exchanged a few kisses through out the night.( It was Mardi Gras after all. lol)
Actually he was the only guy I kissed that night.. But I did a lot of Kissing so as usual you know where my game landed.( What can I say women love me) And I walked out with enough beads that I am surprised I wasn't bent in half.
I promised JJ that very time I flashed someone or made out with a girl I would send him a picture.. needless to say I think he got a lot of damn pictures that night.
St Patric's day itself was a complete blur of dancing and alcohol, went out with a new guy and had some no stress fun.
Told you I'm trying not to wrap my life around JJ, he was spending the day with his Bro and made no attempt to include me in his plans (though the day before he just had to see me.) Lol
Oh well..
JJ hasn't exactly disappeared but he is not exactly present either.
we continue to play our game of show and tell. The things he talks me into and the picture he sends me, DAMN.. I have never been so turned on. But the pictures taken from work are getting more risky so I am gonna have to curb them. Lol( Being a exhibitionist is on thing but losing my job quite another, plus I'm pretty sure the security guy has busted me a few times on camera, as he has started chatting me up, and giving me this weird look.)
JJ did come over this last Monday after work( 1 am) for a late night bootie call ( My idea)and end up spending the night. Now this was not the plan, but is not something that bothers me in the slightest. Strangely I feel completely comfortable in his arms and truthfully sleep better then I ever have. I woke up a few times and tried to remind him he wanted to go home but he was pretty comfy where he was. Until the next morning that is! then some how his falling asleep is my fault.
It is things like this that will always confuse me about men.
He, doesn't sleep well either and both times he has been over he has slept like a brick.. That should be a good thing, right? so why the hell does it piss him off so much?
He left that morning pissed off, and honestly I was expecting for him to go silent on me again, but he kept his promise and we continued to text through the night, and then blam the disappearing act. I let it go and didn't stress, instead choosing to gave him his space. He warned me ahead of time this week was gonna be crazy busy for him, and he was actually working one of his days off, so I just let it slide and trusted that he would contact me (we were set for a special date today.)
The date didn't happen.. A disappointment to be sure, but not the end of the world this time as it has been in the past. He did at least finally text and tell me he couldn't make it, and tell me that he didn't want to talk about things right now.( a big step up from his disappearing act)
So I'm home alone on a friday night, some how I even found myself completely kid less.
Got a 1/2 day of work scheduled tomorrow. UHGGG and no real plans for the rest of the weekend to speak of.
Seriously losing my touch.Lol
Single life sucks..
So it will be bubble baths, a bottle of wine and self pleasure..
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